Identifying and Understanding Various Working and Communication Styles

00:01 In today's lecture, we're going to talk about the different social styles and learning styles that you're going to find at work.

00:08 We're going to talk about how to identify other people's learning style and how to identify your own, as well as your language and the language of others.

00:15 And then we're going to talk about what to do once you have done that.

00:19 I'd like to start out talking about one of the most popular systems that you probably seen before, the four social styles.

00:27 Depending on the system that you may have taken in the past, you may have been identified or you may have identified other people as a number or as a letter or as a color.

00:36 But the bottom line is all of the different systems out there today are basically the same.

00:42 And they're all based on a system that was developed about 50 years ago.

00:46 And if I wanted to use a proprietary system that is popular today, for example, some of them are called things like the DISC or the Self or the Myers-Briggs you might be familiar with, or there's the color one.

01:00 There are many different systems out there, and I could choose to use one of those.

01:04 But the reason people use different systems, for example, the reason everybody doesn't all use the same system is because they're proprietary systems.

01:12 And so you would have to pay to use a system of one company or another company, depending on if you'd rather be a color or a number or an animal.

01:21 But the way they work is all the same.

01:24 They are all based on four social styles, four quadrants.

01:28 What we're going to do here is use the four generic terms so that you can become familiar with them, know how they work, know what to do, and know how to use the information.

01:38 The four different types that you will find.

01:40 And again, they use many different names depending on the system that you might be using are the analytical, the driver, the expressive and the amiable.

01:51 So again, depending on the system you may have become familiar with, you might have been identified as a driver in the past, or you might have been identified as a yellow, as a D, as INJP.

02:04 But they all come down to these four quadrants.

02:08 Let's talk about what they are and how the systems are used.

02:13 Of all the four types, the driver is the least personable.

02:16 And we're going to talk about how the different types relate to one another in a moment. The analytical type is the type that has the most information. They're the ones that are generally referred to as something such as the bookworm or the information gatherer.

02:32 The expressive type is the type that is seen and heard wherever they go.

02:36 They're the ones who are sometimes referred to as the peacock or the most outgoing of all. Then there's the amiable.

02:43 The amiables are the ones who are the most people.

02:46 People of all the people.

02:48 They are all about people.

02:50 We're going to be talking about how these different types relate to one another and why you should know about the different personality types.

02:58 If you're dealing with, for example, an analytical type or a driver type, expressive type or amiable type, why would you want to know what type someone else is and how that affects the team on all of the different systems that you will find.

03:15 The four different types relate to one another in a certain way.

03:19 Why is it important to know what the different types are and how they relate to one another? For communication purposes, the four different types always relate to one another the same way.

03:29 Again, the systems tend to be the same.

03:31 They just use different names for the four types.

03:34 You'll also notice that, for example, the amiable type and the expressive type, those are both together.

03:40 They're both in the same side.

03:42 And that's because those two types are the most people pleasing types.

03:46 They care about people the most, the two types on the opposite side, they care about people the least.

03:53 And when I talk about the four different types, I make generalizations and I will exaggerate. If I'm talking about a driver type.

04:00 For example, I might say that they are the most militant of all type. They are the ones who tend to speak as if they are in the army.

04:09 And I realize that you might be a driver type and you don't speak like you're in the army. But I'm going to generalize and exaggerate the types to make a point so that you can more easily recognize them.

04:19 And I want you to know that I realize we are all a mixture of the different types and not all types are the same.

04:26 However you want to be able to identify the.

04:30 Overriding characteristics of each type so that you can more easily and quickly identify what someone else's type is and start to speak their language and how they relate to other types in the systems.

04:44 Because when you realize how they relate to one another, you'll be able to form more effective teams. You'll be able to pause before you start speaking with one of the different types and recall.

04:53 What is it about you that I should remember and speak to while we're communicating? You'll also notice, for example, while the analytical and the driver type are on the same side and they have green lines between the two of them because they share a lot of language patterns, they share a lot of thought patterns, they're going to understand one another as they work together.

05:16 You'll notice that on the opposite end of the scale, with the red line between the two of them, you'll find the analytical and the expressive.

05:24 All of these different systems work this way.

05:27 When you map out the types, for example, you'll see that there's the analytical driver, expressive and amiable.

05:34 When you map them out and visually look at them, you will notice that there are going to be green lines between the types that are on the top or the types on the sides, the types on the bottoms.

05:46 Those green lines are going to signify that those two types work well together because they understand one another.

05:54 For example, if you're both on the left hand side of any scale, if you're both on the bottom of any scale or you're both on the top of any of these scales, you're going to understand many of the reasons why the people on that side do what they do, say the things that they say, and you will share similar thought and language patterns.

06:17 However, on these systems you will always have opposites.

06:21 For example, the amiable is the opposite from the driver.

06:24 The analytical is the opposite from the expressive.

06:28 And that's why you will see in this chart, for example, they have red lines between the two of them because those two types are going to think most differently. You will always think most differently from the person that appears on the opposite side of the scale, depending on what system you use that you want to know. Because when you're dealing with that person, you want to be cautious of not saying or doing something because it's the way you say or do it.

06:54 We want to start saying things or doing things in the style that most closely matches the person with whom we're working or the person with whom we're communicating. Now, I know many of you are saying, well, wait a minute, why should I change my style to fit that of the person with whom I'm working? I'm good at what I do.

07:11 Maybe they should accommodate me and start speaking my language or change what they do.

07:15 So it's more like the way I do it.

07:18 But remember, the savvy communicator is going to always take the initiative and communicate in the manner most, like the people with whom they work or with whom they live.

07:30 That's going to facilitate communication, create more understanding.

07:33 And many times what's going to happen is if I take the lead and speak your language, I try to understand your thought patterns before I ask you to understand mine.

07:45 And by the way, if you read The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, you'll remember habit number five is seek first to understand, then to be understood.

07:54 What you'll notice is all of a sudden, when I try to speak your language rather than try to get you to speak mine, we work better together.

08:03 We understand one another.

08:04 Things tend to come easier to both of us.

08:07 That's because when you stop and style step, you think, What's your style? I'm going to try to match that and speak to that.

08:16 All of a sudden it creates more understanding, which is why you want to know how the people work together.

08:22 You want to know which side of the scale would you be on? How does that relate to the side of the scale that the people with whom you work are on? Then when it comes to team building, you want to take into account what the different personality types are.

08:38 We're going to be talking a little more about this in our next chapter, but when you form a team, for example, you're all trying to accomplish the task of creating a new initiative. For example, let's say that you have to form a group that's going to plan and execute your company parties.

08:56 You might think, Well, I'll just get a bunch of expressives because they're naturally party people. They're the ones who are best at gathering people and thinking of new fun things that we could do at parties.

09:06 And while that might be true, there are going to be things that come up.

09:09 For example, they're going to maybe have to budget, and that's not something that the expressive types are naturally skilled at doing.

09:17 So you might want to throw in some analytical types as well.

09:20 You also might need to set some goals, some time frames.

09:24 Drivers are best at that, and you might want to take into account that you have a diverse work group and not all of the people are going to be celebrating the same type of holidays. The amiable would be best at being sensitive to those issues.

09:38 So while it may seem that there is one personality type that would be best for one job, when you can incorporate all four types, then you have more of an expansive view.

09:50 You have a more inclusive view and a more inclusive team that can think of new thoughts, new ways of doing things as opposed to just having.

09:58 One type that tends to think the same way and work the same way all the time.

10:04 Most of us go into work, as you probably know, and we practice the golden rule.

10:08 And the golden rule is treat others how? The way you'd like to be treated.

10:14 Don't do that.

10:16 So when you build a team, remember, team building is one of the top skills that people look for when hiring a new professional these days.

10:23 When you're building a team and you can say that you have a strategy for building a team, for example. Well, when I build teams, I try to include all of the different working and social styles so that we can get a diverse perspective in problem solving and customer service and the issues that generally come up.

10:40 When you can say that, that you know how to work with the types, how they work with one another, how they relate to one another, how to form a complete team based on social and working styles.

10:51 That is a highly desired skill in the business community today.

10:55 So you want to become familiar with things like the four working styles.

10:59 You want to become familiar with many different programs that help you identify and speak to and work with the different social styles.

11:06 We're going to be talking about a couple more before I give you a chance to discover what your social style is or that of the group that you might be working with.

11:15 Now, I'd like to move on to another system that you can use not just at work, but you can use this one at home a lot.

11:21 This system is a newer system.

11:23 Remember the other one that we talked about, the four social styles that's been around since about the 1950s.

11:29 But this new system that you'll find useful, both in your personal and professional life, is called The Five Languages of Love.

11:37 Now it has transformed into the five languages of appreciation, respect, love, thank yous, apologies in the past few years. But the five languages that we'll be talking about now is a newer system, and you will find it, as I mentioned, very transformational, both at work and at home.

11:58 The five languages is about the five different signals that people recognize when they feel like they are appreciated, when they feel like they are loved. The five different ways that we can apologize to people.

12:11 That we can thank people.

12:14 The New Age that we have moved into is called the Age of Wisdom or the Age of Meaning or the right brain directed age, depending on what resource you might be getting it from. But according to the top business resources of today, we are already out of the information age and we are into this new age and in this new age that we are in, the name of the game is meaning. Meaning.

12:37 I don't want to simply talk business while I'm doing business.

12:41 The personal emotional connection, by the way, is felt when the vagus nerve, which runs from about right there to right there, and that's Vegas, like Las Vegas. When that nerve is activated, we feel a personal, emotional connection to whatever it was that activated that nerve.

12:59 So if you are somebody who can go around activating other people's vagus nerve, you will have a distinct advantage over those who are unfamiliar with the concept or can't do it.

13:10 So the five languages of love, appreciation, respect.

13:14 Thank you. As apologies, it helps you do just that.

13:17 And it might seem as though it's simple and it is actually very simple to learn.

13:22 However, it's very transformational, especially because if you're like me, you have trouble identifying how to activate somebody's vagus nerve.

13:31 This system very specifically teaches us how to identify what activates the vagus nerve in other people and then how to do that.

13:39 There are five languages that you want to learn how to speak and identify. Number one, you want to learn how to identify and speak the language of words.

13:50 Now, in this system, when I talk about words of appreciation, that's going to be people who recognize that they are appreciated, that they are respected, that they are loved when they hear it or when somebody says it to them. The way this system works is there is a set of signals that your brain recognizes and tells you, Hey, hey, hey, this person loves me.

14:16 This person respects me, this person appreciates me.

14:19 For example, I'd like you to think about how do you recognize that somebody really likes you, really gets you, really appreciates you, really loves you.

14:28 For example, if you come into work and you did something the day before, you accomplished a project, you accomplished some goal, and you think that was really good. So you come in and you think, I wonder what my boss is going to do once he or she realizes that I did that yesterday.

14:44 How am I going to be rewarded? If you came into work feeling like that, how would you like to be rewarded? What would signal to you? Yep. You get it.

14:54 How hard I worked. You understand? I'm feeling the love.

14:57 How would you like to be rewarded? Would you like, for example, your boss to tell you? I want you to know how much I appreciate you.

15:05 What do you want your boss to do something for you.

15:07 Like you come out after lunch and your car has been washed.

15:10 Maybe you'd like it if your boss gave you something like a certificate or a check.

15:16 Maybe you would like simply a little quality time.

15:19 You'd like your boss to ask you to go out for lunch and not talk about work.

15:23 Or maybe you'd like a simple pat on the back.

15:26 A handshake that would do.

15:29 When we recognize what signals other people prefer when it comes to being appreciated, being respected, being loved, then what'll happen is when it comes time for me to show you that I appreciate you, that I respect you, or whatever it may be, that I maybe I need to apologize to you.

15:48 Maybe I need to thank you.

15:49 When we recognize that there really are five distinct languages that people use when they send signals of love and appreciation and respect.

15:57 And there are five different signals that people recognize when they feel loved, appreciated or respected.

16:04 Then we can start to style step those languages as well as the four basic social styles.

16:11 What you'll notice is this Once you're more conscious of the five styles and recognize, hmm, it appears as though your style is words or your style is acts of service.

16:24 Your style is quality time.

16:26 Once you start to identify other people both at work and at home and what their language is, because it's going to be different from yours in many cases, then you can start instead of, for example, showing people that you appreciate them by telling them if that's your language, if your language is words of appreciation, you tend to tell people how much you appreciate them or love them or respect them.

16:48 If your language is giving and receiving gifts, you tend to give things to people when you appreciate things that they've done for you.

16:55 If your language is acts of service, you tend to do things for other people when you want to show them how much you care or appreciate.

17:03 However, once we become distinctly aware that, hmm, I speak one language, but there are five and other people speak different languages from mine.

17:14 And you start to speak the language of others when you want to show them that you care, that you respect them, that you love them, and so on.

17:21 You will notice a marked difference in the way people respond to you.

17:25 For example, let's say that you need to apologize to a coworker.

17:30 I'd like you to think about the coworker that you work with the most, that you respect the most, that you like the most.

17:38 Something happens.

17:39 You accidentally, for example, erased their hard drive.

17:42 When they went out to lunch. You thought you were going to help them go through their inbox and you accidentally erased their hard drive and ruined their computer.

17:49 So now your coworker comes back from lunch, you need to apologize.

17:53 How are you going to do it? Keeping in mind the different languages, if you can do that, if you can learn to not speak the language of empathy or the language of personal emotional connection in simply your language, but you learn how to style, step and speak all five of the different languages.

18:12 Again, you will have a distinct advantage over those who know nothing or don't implement that system.

18:17 So we'll be talking in the next chapter about how to identify your type and the types of the people with whom you work, as well as a couple of different strategies to style step those different languages as well.

18:28 But before we move along to finding out what your language is and what the language is of those with whom you work, I'd like to quickly mention there are many different ways that we communicate, that we show appreciation and respect and love.

18:43 There are many different social styles, communication styles and working styles, and the more you become familiar with what different systems there are, what systems best suit you and how to use those at work.

18:56 You'll find that there is an endless, endless source of systems that can help you connect more with other people and speak their language.

19:04 And there are many different reasons why you'd want to do that.

19:06 Some of the time it's really obvious what people's language is.

19:10 For example, there's the language of learning styles.

19:13 You can find out right now what language the people that you live with or work with speak when it comes to how they like to give and receive information.

19:21 If you simply listen to them speak for maybe an hour, you'll notice that we all have a different verbal pattern that we tend to stick to.

19:29 For example, visual people, those who like to give and receive information by seeing it and they like to show things they tend to say when they understand something. I see what you mean.

19:41 And that is a very common verbal pattern.

19:43 But it is different from auditory people.

19:46 When auditory people understand things, they tend to say.

19:50 Ah, I hear what you're saying.

19:52 And then we have kinesthetic people.

19:54 Kinesthetic people tend to say when they understand something.

19:58 Hmm. I get what you're saying.

20:01 And while all three of those patterns are common and you have probably used every one of them, we don't tend to use all of them with the same frequency.

20:10 For example, we tend not to say, Oh, I hear what you're saying, looks great.

20:13 I get it right.

20:14 We don't we stick to one pattern.

20:17 And if today, for example, with just a couple hours time, if you listen to the people that you live with or that you work with, you will notice that we all have a distinct pattern. For example, when I at the end of a seminar, I'll go into my hotel room and I'll watch television for a while.

20:32 And if you watch people on television like a talk show host, or if you watch somebody who is a relationship counselor, a judge, any type of television show that has people more or less unscripted and they're speaking off the cuff psychologist, for example, that I watch on television, tend to all say things such as, boy, you're sliding off the road and we're trying to pull you back, but I just don't think you're coming with us.

20:57 What type of language patterns are those? People will say things such as, I'm trying to bring you with me.

21:04 You seem to be slipping away, and I'm trying to pull you back.

21:08 What is that? Is that auditory language, visual language or kinesthetic language? You probably said that's kinesthetic language.

21:17 If you didn't, it is when people talk about, I don't feel it.

21:22 I'm trying to bring you with me.

21:24 Are you picking up what I'm putting down? That is kinesthetic language because it's talking about movement touching.

21:31 If people say things such as that just does not sound like an idea that I would like to go with. It's just not ringing a bell.

21:39 Auditory language.

21:40 If people say That's crystal clear, I see what you mean.

21:45 Visual language.

21:46 What I'd like you to do today is pay attention to those with whom you work.

21:50 And if you haven't identified it yet, watch how quickly you'll be able to identify the language of others.

21:56 And you'll say, How could I have not noticed before that you use almost exclusively visual patterns or that you use auditory patterns? But remember, the key is not simply to identify other people's language.

22:09 The key is to know what to do once you've done that.

22:13 So we're going to be talking about that in this lesson.

22:15 But before we move along to the exams, that will help you determine your style and the style of those with whom you work.

22:20 I'd like to quickly mention one more thing.

22:23 We have men and women.

22:25 We have right brainers and left brainers.

22:26 We have matchers and mismatchers.

22:28 And we'll be mentioning how to quickly identify, for example, a matcher and a mismatched and then speak that language.

22:35 Matches are people who like repetition.

22:37 They like things to be the same.

22:38 Mismatches are people who like change.

22:41 They like to shake things up, men and women.

22:43 It's going to be obvious when you're dealing with a man or a woman.

22:46 Sometimes it's easier.

22:48 Sometimes it's not so easy to identify somebody's style or to identify things that will help you determine how to speak to them.

22:56 Sometimes it's easy and we'll be talking about different ways to do that, as well as what to do in this upcoming chapter.

23:04 Now it's time to take out the quick quizzes that you'll find in your materials.

23:08 You're going to find a quiz that'll help you identify what your language is in terms of the five languages.

23:13 And you're going to find a quiz that will help you identify your social style, which of the four you are.

23:19 Take those out, and once you're finished, resume this lesson and we'll talk about what to do next. So you should be done with your quizzes and you should know what type you are when it comes to the four social styles and the five love languages.

23:31 But remember, the key is not to simply know what type you are or even to know what type other people are. The key is to know what to do with that information.

23:39 So we're going to be talking in our next lecture about specifically what to do, how to more effectively style step change the language that you speak when communicating with other people and other styles.

23:49 But before we move along to that, I'd like to mention what do we do when other people with whom we work or live haven't taken a test and aren't telling us, Hey, I'm a number one or I'm a gorilla, what do you do? There are ways to look at the signs that other people are sending off and recognize what type they are in your materials.

24:10 You have a list of different signals that people send, different signs that tell you what type they are.

24:17 For example, we tend to and again, as I mentioned before, I generalize a lot, but we tend to drive a certain car.

24:25 If we are an analytical type, we tend to wear certain clothes, if we are an amiable type. And those are signals that you can look at that will help you identify other people if they have not identified themselves to you.

24:38 For example, analytical people tend to wear a lot of tan pants, you know, pants that are khaki pants or dockers.

24:47 They tend to drive cars that are older but paid off.

24:51 They tend to have a messy or environment.

24:54 They tend to use long sentences.

24:57 Drivers tend to use a lot of gray, navy and black.

25:02 They tend to drive Toyotas, Hondas and Nissans.

25:05 They tend to speak in short sentences.

25:08 Amiable people tend to wear a lot of clothing with pictures of people on it.

25:13 They tend to wear comfortable shoes.

25:15 They tend to drive cars that look like people.

25:17 They tend to speak in medium sized sentences and they tend to reference people a lot. Expressive people tend to speak in, again, medium sized sentences, but they do it loudly.

25:29 They tend to use a lot of variation in their tone.

25:31 They wear a lot of colors.

25:32 They tend to drive cars that are seen and heard as they drive down the street.

25:37 Once you can recognize what signs are that you can use to identify other people and help you decide, how should I talk to you based on the signs that you're giving me? Even on the telephone, for example, if someone calls you, you can hear their speech patterns, you can hear their tone.

25:53 And that helps give you a clue as to their personality type.

25:56 So you'll find lots of different cards, flash cards in your materials that can help you on a day to day basis.

26:03 Practice learning the signs and then knowing what to do.

26:07 Remember that in our next lecture we're going to be talking about style stepping and more specifically, how can I change my words to match the person with whom I'm communicating? But style stepping is all about changing your words to match the other person. And if you, for example, as a team, take these different tests and then put on your name badge, I'm a two or I'm a yellow, or you put signs up as you enter into somebody's office.

26:32 Hey, while you're entering, keep in mind I'm a gorilla type.

26:35 Or keep in mind my language of appreciation is acts of service.

26:40 If people wear buttons that say I'm a 1, 2, 3 or 4, if your team or people that you live with or work with do that display what type they are.

26:50 Then what you can do is if I'm walking into somebody's office and I see that they have a sign up that says I'm a driver type, I would know.

26:58 The first thing I would say to you might be something such as, Hey, do you have just a moment? I need a minute of your time or should I come back later? As opposed to if you're an amiable type, I might say, Hey, John, how was your weekend before I begin? Now, if I say to a driver type, Hey, how was your weekend? That's the wrong way to start.

27:17 If I were to say to an amiable type, Hey, I just need a moment of your time.

27:21 Do you have it or should I come back later? That's. The wrong way to start.

27:24 I want to start matching the way I greet people, the way I leave people, the way I respect people, the way I show people that I'm sorry, the way I thank people based on their type. For example, I'd like you to think of this in preparation for our next lecture. Let's say you need to put somebody on hold.

27:42 It's a customer. You deal with them a lot and you know, based on their words, their tone, the things that they talk about, that they are an analytical type.

27:52 How would you place them on hold? For example, how would you say you have to hold now? I'll be back. How would you say that to somebody that you have identified as an analytical type? Let's say they're an extreme analytical type.

28:05 And how would that be different from the way you would place an expressive type on hold? Because if you have identified you're an expressive type, you're an analytical type. And if you treat them both the same way, if you speak to them the same way, if you put them on hold the same way, there is a way that you can more effectively communicate with them.

28:26 It's called style stepping, and you should be communicating with the different types in a different way. How would you, for example, communicate differently if you were going to tell somebody? You understand what they're saying and you have identified them as a visual type? And how would that differ from how you would say, I understand what you're saying if they were an auditory type? If you're thinking I don't know exactly what to do differently, then I will see you in our next lecture where we will be focusing on speaking the language of the different types, or, in other words, style stepping.

29:04 In this lecture, we talked about how the different systems work.

29:08 We talked about how to identify other people.

29:10 And we talked about what is changing your communication style or style stepping so that you can more effectively speak the language of others.