Speaking with more Power, Tact and Skill

00:01 In this lecture, we're going to focus on the words and you'll learn how to speak with more power, tact and skill by focusing on three things.

00:09 First, we're going to identify the verbal patterns that have been sabotaging your success. And we're going to talk about how to replace those with more powerful verbal patterns using a danger phrase and power phrase list.

00:19 The second thing we'll focus on is how to choose the right verbal patterns to articulate what you're really thinking so that people listen to and respect your message more. And the third thing we'll focus on is how to use the correct learning tools so that you can take these verbal patterns, make them your own, and use them when you need them most.

00:39 In this first chapter, we're going to talk about my favorite tool of all, a danger phrase and power phrase list.

00:46 If you have not yet started using a danger phrase in power phrase list, you're going to notice an immediate difference, both at work and at home.

00:54 Now, you should take out your danger phrase and power phrase template that you'll find in your materials. Or if you don't have access to your materials, take out a sheet of paper and draw a big letter t make a t chart on that piece of paper, and that will help you create the danger phrase and power phrase list.

01:12 So step one, when you're making a danger phrase in power phrase list is to take it really can be any piece of paper or it could be the template that you were provided in your materials. And on the left hand side, at the very top right, the word danger and the right hand side at the very top right, the word power.

01:30 What you're going to do is we're going to start out talking about common danger phrases that people tend to use both at work and at home.

01:37 And I'm going to ask that you keep your danger phrase list visible, because remember that human beings respond well to visual cues and you want to keep it someplace handy so that as you're on the telephone at work or as you're with your family at home, at the dinner table, you have that visible to remind you what are the verbal patterns that you're going to be purging from your verbal repertoire? And what are some new verbal patterns that you want to add? Remember, visual cues are key.

02:03 So I'm going to start out talking about common danger phrases that you may be using right now and that are sabotaging your communication success.

02:12 The first danger phrase that we'll talk about is.

02:15 I'm sorry.

02:17 Remember, especially women need to purge this danger phrase from their verbal repertoire. Not all women are the same.

02:23 Not all men are the same. I understand that.

02:25 But women tend to use the phrase I'm sorry, about 3 to 7 times. For every one time you'll hear a man say it and women tend to use it in different circumstances than men tend to use it.

02:37 For example, did you know that predators will go to the grocery store and as they walk down the aisles with their cards, they will bang into the carts of women looking for those who say, I'm sorry because now they know that's an easier target.

02:51 Purge that phrase from your verbal repertoire.

02:55 In his book Blink, Malcolm Gladwell talks about associations that the subconscious mind makes and how we can make judgments very quickly.

03:04 And it's funny how our subconscious judgments are much more accurate than our conscious judgments.

03:10 Our subconscious mind tends to judge people and things very quickly and very accurately. Then our conscious mind comes in and says, Wait a minute, let me think about this. And the judgments that we make consciously, based on the facts that we see at hand, are not as accurate as our subconscious mind.

03:27 And the first thing the subconscious mind does when we are judging other people and we might not like to judge people, the subconscious mind does.

03:35 It helps to save time.

03:36 It keeps us safe. And the first thing that we use to judge other people are their verbal patterns.

03:42 So when you start to speak, people are going to start to associate you with other people who speak the way you speak.

03:50 They're going to start to determine what's your socioeconomic background, what's your geographic origin, what's your level of education.

03:55 So many things based on the words coming out of your mouth.

03:59 Basically, people connect you with others who speak as you speak.

04:04 That's one of the reasons we keep a danger phrase and power phrase list so that if you notice that other people with whom you do not want to be associated are using verbal patterns all the time.

04:16 You may want to purge those like, I'm sorry, but in addition to the associations that the words we use make, in addition to the connection that it makes or breaks with other people, phrases such as I'm sorry are simply ineffective.

04:32 For example, when someone needs to apologize to you and they say, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry or sorry about that, you know how ineffective that phrase is.

04:43 So I'd like you to starting out recognize how often you use the phrase I'm sorry, and start to purge that and replace it with a simple I apologize if that is appropriate or purge it all together and don't say anything.

04:58 If somebody bumps into your cart at the grocery store, for example, the phrase idea, there's a different reason I'd want to purge that phrase from my verbal repertoire.

05:07 And while you want to purge it from yours, it's not because I don't want to associate myself with those who have ideas.

05:13 It's simply because people at work don't care about my ideas and they don't care about yours when, for example, somebody has a problem that they need solved or you're brainstorming at the meeting table.

05:26 Think about those who say things like this.

05:29 I think I have an idea.

05:32 There are many things wrong with that message.

05:35 But the first is if you were to study the verbal patterns of who we consider to be powerful communicators, they do not talk about the ideas that they have.

05:43 If you look at the CEOs of Fortune 500 companies and how they speak at the boardroom table, they do not say, well, I have an idea.

05:52 If somebody has a problem, what do other people want? They want things like answers, solutions, proposals.

05:59 And if you change your verbal pattern to that and say, instead of I think I have an idea, you say something such as I believe I have a proposal for you. Totally different message.

06:12 And we'll talk about many of the reasons why.

06:14 But remember, if you say to somebody.

06:18 I think I have an idea.

06:20 And you tilt your head to the side and you use a phrase like, I think you probably experienced it in the past.

06:26 You've said something like that and people did not respond to it.

06:29 Then 5 minutes later, somebody said the exact same thing and everybody thought, Oh, what a great idea.

06:35 And you thought, Hey, that's never mind.

06:39 You probably didn't say exactly what you thought you did.

06:42 Keeping a list such as the one we're describing now helps you actually say what you think you're saying. Because, remember, human beings think they're saying something other than what they're really saying.

06:51 Over 50% of the time.

06:53 If you're going to be more tactical and deliberate in what you're saying, a danger phrase in power phrase list is a great start.

07:00 Now. I need you to do something for me.

07:03 That phrase is a danger phrase for many reasons.

07:05 Number one, when you use the phrase I need at work.

07:08 The more often you use it, the more people will start to see you as needy.

07:14 And apart from that, when we say something such as, for example, I need that report by the end of the day, let's say that I deliver that message to you or I need you to pay attention in this meeting.

07:27 Many times what we accidentally do is we misplace the real subject when we communicate and we start to cloud the message.

07:35 And if we are deliberate and more skilled in our subject placement or our subject selection, you'll notice a change in the response that you get from other people.

07:43 For example, the subject tends to be at the beginning of the sentence, Right, I need that report.

07:51 By the end of the day, I need you to pay attention.

07:55 What's at the beginning of those sentences? I need I'm placing my needs in what would generally be considered the power position in a sentence.

08:05 And if I do that, I'm focusing on me and my needs.

08:08 When you start to be more deliberate in your verbal patterns and instead put the real subject first, you'll notice a difference in the way it feels and in the response that you'll get. For example, if I were to say I need that report by the end of the day, what's the real subject that should be at the beginning of that sentence? The report. So watch how the message changes.

08:29 If I were to say that report is due by the end of the day.

08:34 Totally different message. Right? Or if I were to say.

08:38 Your attention is critical for the success of this class.

08:41 Totally different message.

08:43 So when you start to deliberately choose, what's your subject? What are the phrases that you're going to use? And then couple that with body language tactics.

08:52 Because you may have noticed, if I were to say I think I have an idea that's very different from I have a solution for you write the body language gesture, passing the books.

09:05 As you say, something is going to lend more credibility and power to the message.

09:08 And we'll be talking about those body language tactics or body language signals that we send later on in these lessons.

09:15 But I want you to really get a clear picture of when you start to change your verbal patterns and be more deliberate, the whole message changes.

09:23 And one of the things that people tend to say at work a lot that I hope you do not say is do you need or do you want? For example, we tend to ask people, do you need me to send that out by the end of the day? Or do you want me to FedEx that to you? You want me to do that now? And when you say something such as Do you need or do you want, first of all, you're obligating the person with whom you're speaking to admit, Yeah, I'm needy or I'm wonderful. We don't want to do that.

09:51 But secondly, the verbal pattern do you want or do you need generally comes into place when I'm in a service position, right? Or if you're in a service position.

10:01 And we tend to say to people like our boss things such as, do you need me to do that for you now? Or we tend to say to customers, Do you want to beg with that? And I don't want to use the verbal patterns that people tend to use exclusively in entry level positions.

10:17 For example, if you go to the gas station and you buy some gum and a soda, they'll ask you, do you want a bag with that? And there are different verbal patterns that they would use if you went, for example, to the Marriott Hotel or the Four Seasons Hotel, and they were to ask you if you'd like a receipt. Right? They don't say you want a receipt.

10:38 They would say something more along the lines of, would you like a receipt? However, we're going to take it one step further.

10:45 You're really going to like this when you implement not just a verbal pattern that's different, like when you use a danger phrase and a power phrase list, but you start to really learn the names of these strategies.

10:58 It's amazing the difference in results you can get.

11:00 I'm going to give you a quick tip when you're changing from do you want or do you need to a would you like phrase because that's much better. Couple that with a tag question.

11:15 Tag questions are questions that you put on the end of statements.

11:18 And it's funny because we know the names of many different types of questions.

11:22 For example, you probably are familiar with closed ended questions that generally elicit a yes or no open ended questions which start out with things like Tell me about, but are you familiar with the tag question? Tag questions are ones that we use a lot, but most people have not yet named them.

11:40 And a tag question sounds like this.

11:42 But, um.

11:44 Would you like that? Da da da da da da.

11:46 Wouldn't you agree? Beautiful day outside. Don't you think this is a great place to work, isn't it? When you make a statement and follow it up with a quick confirmation? Yes or no question? That's a tag question.

11:58 And watch the difference.

12:00 If I were to say, do you want me to send that up by the end of the day? Or I could send that up by the end of the day for you.

12:07 Would you like that? When you say that I'm doing so many different things, I'm purging verbal patterns that connect me with those who have not yet invested in their personal development. I'm using verbal patterns that are more polished and professional, and I'm gaining what's called a yes momentum by saying something that goes like, But Bam, Bam, Bam, would you like that? And when you get a yes momentum, when you get people into the habit of saying yes to you, they're more likely to say yes to you for whatever you need.

12:34 You may need that.

12:35 Also, I'm getting people in their minds or verbally to confirm.

12:39 Yes, I like that.

12:40 Yes. Yes.

12:42 So not only are they getting into a yes momentum, they're thinking, I like this when they are around me and if you do it when they're around you, there are so many reasons we're going to use that in the future.

12:53 So when you keep a list like this, not only is it simply changing a verbal pattern here and there, when you keep a list like this, you'll learn many different strategies that you can couple together and you'll be on a whole different level from the average professional communicator.

13:07 We're going to be using this list as we go through these lectures and these courses.

13:11 But I wanted to give you one quick tip before we move along from this section.

13:15 We'll be adding to it as we go along.

13:17 But remember the word unfair.

13:20 It's a great example of how changing a simple word can change the entire message that you're sending if you have ever used the phrase.

13:30 I think that's unfair.

13:31 Or I believe that I'm treated unfairly here.

13:34 Never say that again.

13:35 Instead, remember, the word unfair is a danger phrase.

13:39 Because what do people think or what do people say when you tell them that's not fair at work? They probably say or think what they should.

13:48 Life isn't fair, and this is not about being fair.

13:50 However, if you change it to unequal, it changes the whole message.

13:55 If you were to say to your boss, for example, you know, I believe that I'm treated unfairly here, has no impact except a negative one.

14:04 If you were to instead say, I believe that in this organization I'm treated unequally, that tends to get attention.

14:12 Why? Because now you've changed it from a personal issue to a legal issue, all by using one word differently.

14:18 It commands attention.

14:19 Changing simple verbal patterns changes the entire world.

14:24 And now let's talk about verbal patterns, specifically free style scripts.

14:29 You may have heard about scripting before in other communication courses, but the type of scripting that we're going to be learning about here is called freestyle scripting.

14:37 And you're really going to like it because many times when we are learning about scripting, what I have learned about scripting and previous communication courses, they are referring to scripts, really long scripts that people are supposed to memorize and then deliver in an emotionally charged or difficult situation, which is almost impossible for the average communicator.

14:57 It's impossible for me.

14:58 Freestyle scripting, however, is more about learning the steps, having a frame to get the thoughts from your brain out of your mouth.

15:06 And it's kind of like dancing if you know how to dance or if you don't know how to dance. I'm somebody who finds it very difficult to dance.

15:15 And the main reason why it's so difficult for me is because if I'm at a wedding or if I'm at some event and somebody says, Hey, come on, Dan, let's go dance, and I don't know what the steps are.

15:26 It gives me that sick feeling and I try to avoid it at all costs.

15:31 For example, if I notice that they're dragging people out onto the dance floor, I tend to leave the situation if I can, thinking I just don't want to be dragged on the dance floor because I will feel awkward.

15:41 I'll feel as though I don't know what's going on and so I'll avoid the situation.

15:45 Do you do that? For example, in your communication situations, let's say that you have to have one of those talks with an employee or a boss.

15:57 There's something that's bothering you that you need to get off your chest.

16:01 Do you avoid those situations if you don't? You know people who do new managers, new supervisors, for example, tend to avoid difficult conversations and hope that things just go away on their own.

16:13 Or maybe it's at home, maybe.

16:16 Have you ever come home, for example, and you know that the person you live with is waiting for you, and so you might come home a little bit later or you might come home and make a mad dash into the bathroom, or you might do something to avoid those talks. It's totally different, however, when you're confident, having those difficult conversations, when you know, this is what I'm supposed to say, this is how I say it, these are the steps.

16:40 Then you have those conversations more often, and other people like new managers and supervisors, spouses, children will have those conversations more often.

16:48 It's really all about knowing the steps.

16:51 So learning how to freestyle script is very similar to learning how to dance watch.

16:59 For example, if you want to dance to any song or communicate in any situation, you just need to know three steps or three magic phrases or simple verbal patterns, and all of a sudden you can finesse your way through many different situations.

17:15 Just as a good dancer can dance to any song that comes on the radio, like watch, repeat these three phrases after me.

17:21 You ready? That's interesting.

17:24 Why would you say that? Say that. Now say that's interesting.

17:29 Why would you ask that? And now say, that's interesting.

17:33 Why would you do that? With those three phrases, you can respond rather than react to just about anything.

17:40 Okay, now do this. If you're sitting down, just drive your car.

17:44 Do this. Drive your car.

17:46 Okay. And now adjust your shirt.

17:50 Got it. Now shoot your guns.

17:53 Bang! Bang! Okay.

17:56 Now, you can respond to almost anything anybody says with a simple.

18:00 Interesting. Why would you ask me that? And now you can dance to any song with those three moves.

18:05 You can drive your car, adjust your shirt, shoot those guns.

18:08 Bang, bang. So remember, now, if you learn the right dance steps and the right verbal tactics, you can respond and dance and finesse your way through any situation.

18:19 And you'll be comfortable the next time you go to a wedding or you're at a situation where you have the opportunity to dance.

18:25 Don't avoid it. Just drive your car, just your shirt, shoot your guns.

18:29 When you have to have a difficult conversation, don't avoid it.

18:32 Just use these verbal patterns.

18:34 You're ready. I'm going to give you three what are called duct tape tactics.

18:37 Remember, we talked about those duct tape tactics are things that you can use in a variety of different circumstances.

18:42 The first one is a three part verbal pattern that goes like this, first of all. Secondly, finally.

18:50 So repeat that, first of all.

18:52 Secondly. Finally.

18:55 Say that again. First of all.

18:57 Secondly. Finally.

19:00 Remember that duct tape tactics can be used in a variety of different circumstances, and this first one can be used in many circumstances.

19:07 The most common way that we use this is when you have to deliver a long message.

19:12 For example, let's say you need to tell an employee.

19:15 Okay, here's what you need to do.

19:16 You need to do these ten things.

19:18 One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

19:23 When you go through numbers like that, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. It's a long time.

19:29 Let me say a numbers. Right.

19:31 And most people tend to tune out once you get to number four, especially number five. How can I help get a long message through to the brain of the person with whom I am communicating? Like, let's say I need to tell you a long phone number.

19:47 What do we do with phone numbers? We break them up into generally three chunks.

19:51 Why? Because the brain can more easily process and remember that information.

19:55 So what can we do if I need to? Or if you need to deliver a set of instructions to an employee and it's ten steps.

20:05 You can increase the odds that that employee's brain will receive the message process and remember the message if you simply break it up into three chunks, like watch the difference between these two messages? All right, I need you to do steps one and then two, then three, and then four. Then five, six, seven, eight, nine and ten.

20:27 It seemed really long right now.

20:29 Watch this. All right.

20:31 First of all, I need you to do steps one, two, and then three.

20:35 Secondly, move along to steps four, five, six, and then seven.

20:38 And finally, wrap it up with steps eight, nine and ten.

20:42 Much better, right? You can take almost any long message, especially one that may be technical.

20:47 If you have to do technical training or give technical instruction and break it up into, first of all, secondly, finally, take a chunk of things here, a chunk of things there and a chunk of things here.

20:58 And when you deliver it in a package that wraps it up where it seems to have a logical beginning, a middle and an end, people tend to remember more of it and they process it more easily.

21:10 So the next time you have to deliver lots of information, somebody just asked me, for example, Hey, I have to deliver a big presentation and there's a section that's kind of dry where I'm talking about specific actions that people must take. How can I get through that and have people remember more of what I'm saying? There's almost no message.

21:29 You can't wrap up in it, first of all.

21:30 Secondly and finally, the second verbal pattern I'd like to talk about is a feel, felt found.

21:36 This one you'll probably use most when you're presenting a proposal and somebody objects to what it is that you're saying an objection.

21:45 We talk a lot about objections in these courses.

21:47 So just remember that over half the time when people object to whatever it is that you're presenting, it's what we would call a false objection, meaning they're just objecting to object.

21:57 They really don't have anything against your idea.

22:00 But we'll talk about how to quickly uncover those later on.

22:03 Let's say that you are presenting an idea to your boss or to a customer, and let's say that for your boss, you were to say, you know, I believe we should color coded all of the files in the accounting department that would help us be more efficient. Or to a customer, you might say, I believe that package number three would be the package that would be best suited for you.

22:23 And the customer says, you know, I don't I don't think that would fit in my budget or your boss were to say, yeah, I don't think that's going to be such a great idea. What do you say or do? This three part verbal pattern helps you not just respond meaning have words.

22:40 You know what I mean? You'd never want to be a stoppable communicator, but you don't want to be a reactionary communicator either and say the first thing into the brain, first thing out of the mouth. So this verbal pattern helps you respond, but it also incorporates psychological tactics that increase the odds that the person with whom you are communicating will listen to you and change his or her mind.

23:01 You can actually overcome objections more often if you are to use this verbal pattern than if you were to simply wing it.

23:08 You ready? Repeat this after me.

23:11 I can appreciate why you would feel that way.

23:13 Say that. Now that's very different from the verbal pattern.

23:18 Oh, I know how you feel.

23:19 Or. Oh, I know just how you feel.

23:21 Right. I know how you feel is a danger phrase.

23:25 Because when you say to somebody, Oh, I know how you feel.

23:29 What do they say? Or What do they think? Right. They think, No, you don't.

23:33 And it's true. So remember, I can understand why you would feel that way.

23:38 I can appreciate why you would feel that way is very different from I know how you feel. We'll talk about that later on as well.

23:45 The second part is I felt the same way in the past or I know others who have felt the same way in the past.

23:52 So say that I have felt the same way in the past.

23:55 Say that. Now say I know others who have felt the same way.

24:00 Okay. So now we've said I can appreciate why you'd feel that way.

24:04 I felt the same way in the past.

24:05 Or I can understand why you'd feel that way.

24:07 I know some others who felt the same way in the past.

24:09 Something like that.

24:11 Now, remember, this is just like when you dance.

24:13 When you dance.

24:15 I might shoot my guns.

24:17 You might bust a cap.

24:19 So remember, it's okay to modify the verbal patterns to suit your style.

24:25 Freestyle scripting is about having a frame, not about memorizing all of the words.

24:29 So you may adjust the words or the the way you're saying something like this to suit your style. But the three principles are going to remain the same principle.

24:38 Number one is, I can understand why you feel that way.

24:41 I'm validating.

24:42 That's the psychological maneuver.

24:44 Principle number two is I know some others who have felt the same way or I felt the same way myself. Now I'm what's called generalizing in a communication sense.

24:52 We call that generalizing.

24:54 And now we'll move on to step number three.

24:57 Step number three is when you now respond and I could say something such as, however, what I have found is or however what they found is and when you put it all together, when you say to an objection, when you respond to an objection with a I can understand why you'd feel that way, because I felt the same way before I investigated.

25:17 However, after I did my homework, I found that this has worked for other companies and I believe it will work for us as well.

25:23 Or I can understand why you might be hesitant to try these products because some of my customers, they felt the same way.

25:29 However, once they took a good look at the numbers, they found that it not just worked for them but also worked for their budget.

25:34 And I think you'll find the same thing if you can just give me a chance when you say to somebody, not the actual words, I can understand how you feel that way.

25:41 Others have felt the same way in the past.

25:43 However, what I have found is but the concepts.

25:46 I can appreciate why you feel the way you feel.

25:49 I know some others, maybe me who have felt the same way in the past.

25:52 They were in the dark, but they were brought to the light just like I'm going to bring you to the light and then you respond.

25:59 If you do that instead of just responding, you know, first thing to the brain, first thing out of the mouth, you will get to overcome more objections than the average communicator who simply responds with a reaction.

26:12 And the third verbal pattern that I'd like to teach you is going to be one that you can use many times when you need to say no.

26:21 Have you ever been told that you need to learn how to say no? And now I don't mean, for example, if you're somebody who does not ever say no and you need to learn how to get a no out, but have you ever been told that's not the way you say no? You need to learn how to say no, and you're left thinking, What does that mean? I don't know what that means.

26:42 This is what it means.

26:44 This three part process helps you incorporate the theories of when you want to say no to somebody, if you want to do it on the level that they do it in the Four Seasons Hotel reception desk, for example, or the way that the assistant to the CEO of a Fortune 100 company says it to an important client.

27:03 If you want to use those verbal patterns, it's simple.

27:06 One of the most common verbal patterns that you will now see used if you haven't seen it used in the past, is based on three simple theories you want to, when you are declining a request, say, first of all, I'm a helper here to help you.

27:19 I'm a team player on your team.

27:21 Step number two is you want to say, however, these are the challenges that I'm facing.

27:26 And then finally you want to wrap it up offering some suggestion or some alternative, right? You probably heard these theories, but it's difficult to get it out of your mouth in a situation where you need it the most.

27:37 This will help you.

27:39 All right. I'd like you to repeat after me.

27:42 I'd like to be helpful.

27:45 However, I'm afraid.

27:47 So I'm wondering.

27:50 You ready? Now put it all together.

27:52 I'd like to be helpful, however.

27:53 I'm afraid so.

27:54 I'm wondering. Say that again.

27:57 I'd like to be helpful, however.

27:58 I'm afraid so.

28:00 I'm wondering. We're going to talk at the end how to make these verbal patterns our own so that when you need them, you don't have to stop and think. What was it feel? Felt. I can understand why you feel that way.

28:13 I found.

28:15 What is it? You won't be doing that when you need to deliver a note.

28:19 If you have the verbal pattern ready to say, I'd like to be helpful, however, I'm afraid so. I'm wondering.

28:24 It's easy and effective and people will notice.

28:27 But you need to practice it.

28:28 And let's imagine now that I were to say to you, Hey, I need some help after work. I'm doing the holiday party all by myself.

28:36 Could you stay after and help me for a couple hours? How would you respond to that? Using that verbal pattern if you said something such as, Oh, I would love to be helpful.

28:47 However, I'm afraid that tonight I have other plans.

28:49 So I'm wondering, would it be possible for me to come in in the morning and help you? Or let's say that a customer says to you, Hey, can I use your back warehouse to store my luggage? And you need to say no.

29:03 How would you say that? Using.

29:05 I'd like to be helpful, however.

29:06 I'm afraid so. I'm wondering.

29:08 If you said something such as I'd like to be helpful.

29:12 However, I'm afraid that we can't use the warehouse for luggage storage.

29:15 So I'm wondering, would you like me to hold it here at the front desk for you? If you learn how to deliver an AU seamlessly, I'd like to be helpful, however. I'm afraid so. I'm wondering how to overcome objections.

29:26 I can appreciate why you'd feel that way.

29:28 Others have felt the same way in the past.

29:29 However, what I have found is or take instructions and make them appear more simple, first of all.

29:35 Secondly, and finally, just those three part verbal patterns are going to help transform your messages so that they're still yours.

29:43 They're still your words, they're still your messages.

29:46 But you will notice that you will get a different reaction from people, because we're starting to incorporate tactics that help the brain receive process.

29:55 Remember, understand your messages.

29:57 It can be very simple, but we have to use these words, right? And by very nature of needing these tactics, chances are you'll forget them.

30:07 Because remember how we were talking about there are two sides to the brain and there's the left hand logical side where we keep language and there's the right hand emotional side. When you trigger one, the other one tends to die down when you need your words the most because you're nervous or the the situation is becoming heated or emotional. The part of the brain where your words and verbal patterns live starts to die down. So you're less likely to remember, especially new verbal patterns. What do you do? Chances are if you have been in the military or if you know somebody who's been in the military, you know that soldiers know how to take apart their gun and put it back together really quickly in the dark, in the sleep without any notice. Right.

30:54 People who learn to do things over and over and over and over and over again, repetition start to be able to do them automatically.

31:03 The reason, for example, why soldiers have to learn to take apart their guns and put them back together.

31:08 And they do that over and over and over and over again, is because when they need to do that, if their gun is jammed, if it's broken, when they need to know how to take it apart and put it back together, those are precisely the times where they will not be able to stop and think what's step one again? How do I do that? Right.

31:27 So they practice over and over and over and over again.

31:30 So it becomes automatic.

31:32 That's what I would like you to do.

31:33 And we provided you the tools that will make it really simple.

31:36 In the materials that you were provided with this course, you have a set of quick reference flashcards.

31:42 It's a piece of paper that appears to have four different cards on it that you can look at and you'll see the tactics that we're describing here today.

31:50 Keep those cards handy.

31:52 They've been provided so that whether you're learning style is more auditory or visual or kinesthetic or reading and writing, whatever your style is, we're going to incorporate all four of the basic learning styles so that this information can sink into the brain and be ready to use much more quickly and much more easily.

32:13 I'd like you to take out the flashcards that came with the materials and look at the one that you think would be the best for you this week.

32:23 Which one do you think you'll be able to use this week? Maybe it's just one danger phrase that you need to purge.

32:28 Maybe it's a saying no, or maybe it's a overcoming objection tactic.

32:33 But find one card and that's going to be yours for the week.

32:36 And what I do, what I'm learning, a new verbal pattern.

32:39 And that's what I do all the time.

32:41 I'll keep one in my jacket pocket.

32:43 And if I'm waiting for an elevator, for example, I'll pull it out and I'll say, This is the card. I'll pull it out and I'll say, Okay, I'd like to be helpful.

32:52 However, I'm afraid so. I'm wondering, I'd like to be helpful, however, I'm afraid so.

32:56 I'm wondering and I'll practice saying it over and over and over again so that when I need to use it, when a customer asks me, Hey, Dan, could I change the date of that event from the fourth to the fifth? I can say, Oh, I'd love to be helpful.

33:10 However, I'm afraid that I've already got an event booked on the fifth.

33:14 So I'm wondering, would you like to make it maybe the sixth or the third? And when you can respond using the tactics without thinking about it, you'll be more apt to use them and you'll see them be much more effective.

33:26 But you've got to practice, practice in no risk situations.

33:28 For example, when I'm talking with my mother, I will use the tactics that I'm learning because I think, well, even if I don't say it right with Mom, it'll be okay.

33:37 And I'll stumble over my words when I'm using them.

33:39 Just as if you're learning any new language, you start to stumble.

33:43 And it's difficult. And many people.

33:47 Avoid using new verbal patterns.

33:49 For example, if they are in a situation where they don't speak the language, they'll just not speak because they're embarrassed.

33:55 Don't be embarrassed. Use new verbal patterns in no risk situations and welcome embarrassment.

34:01 Welcome. Stepping over your words.

34:02 Welcome sounding strange.

34:04 It's just like if you watch court shows on television or if you ever go to the courtroom, you'll notice that people who try to speak courtroom language for the first time, they'll get up and they'll say things like, Well, ma'am, I witnessed the female exit the vehicle and they sound very strange.

34:21 But then you'll see an officer get up and he'll say or she'll say, Well, I witnessed the female exit the vehicle and it sounds really normal.

34:28 Why? Because their mouth is used to saying it.

34:30 Their mouth has said it so many times that now it sounds normal.

34:34 Get used to saying these new verbal patterns as many times as you can, and eventually it will sound normal, just like when you learn any new language.

34:41 And we're going to talk about how whether or not, you know, that you speak many languages, you do. That's coming up in future lessons.

34:48 In this lesson, we learned how to identify and purge phrases that are sabotaging your success and replace them with new, more powerful ones.

34:56 You can do that quickly and easily using a danger phrase and power phrase list.

35:01 The second thing we learned was how to choose the right verbal patterns to articulate what you're saying.

35:05 Things such as the feel felt found the I'd like to be helpful, however.

35:09 I'm afraid so. I'm wondering the first of all.

35:11 Secondly and finally and we talked about how to make these tactics your own using the materials that you have been provided.

35:18 Use the flashcards, watch these videos, practice in no risk situation and you'll make these your own like that.

35:25 Coming up in Future Lessons, we're going to talk about more specific and complex verbal, visual and vocal tactics.

35:31 So I'll see you there.