Power Phrases and Danger Phrases for Difficult and Demanding People

00:01 In this lecture, you'll learn some more power phrases that you can use in a variety of circumstances, both at work and at home, with coworkers to bosses and more.

00:10 You'll also learn some danger phrases to avoid so that you can avoid difficult situations to begin with.

00:15 Along with some three part verbal patterns that you can use in a variety of different circumstances. We're going to start out talking about the power phrase. If you can just give me a chance and you have come to the right person, coupled with my name is if you're in a position or if you have employees in a position where they're constantly working with customers who might have challenges, have them memorize word for word, those three lines, if you can just give me a chance, you have come to the right person.

00:49 And my name is if you have a team of employees and maybe customer service is new to them, have them sit down.

00:56 And if nothing else, watch this quick lesson on power phrases that they can use that will transform situations everyday situations every day at work.

01:06 These three phrases are fantastic if you're just starting your communication development, because if you start to use them, you will notice an instant result and you'll want to learn more. I've talked about some of them.

01:17 For example, if you can just give me a chance that phrase trigger something in the emotional side of the brain of the person to whom you're speaking, and it will make them want to stop and give you a chance.

01:27 When you say my name is normally, I would recommend that a professional introduces himself or herself by saying I'm or this is.

01:37 But in some situations when you're dealing with upset customers, you specifically want to say, my name is because that is coming from a passive place and it is going to be more reassuring.

01:48 And that is the place from which you like to come.

01:50 It's great to teach people the difference between common phrases that they could use and the effects that they will get.

01:56 Start off with those phrases and again, people will be encouraged to learn more.

02:01 The power phrase.

02:03 I understand there is only so much you can do, but whatever you can do, I'd appreciate.

02:08 Repeat this after me.

02:09 I understand. There's only so much you can do.

02:13 But whatever you can do, I'd appreciate.

02:16 One more time.

02:17 I understand there's only so much you can do, but whatever you can do, I'd appreciate. Why would we use this phrase? It's perfect.

02:27 If you have somebody who's in a position where they need to get things from other people. Especially if the other people don't always want to give them those things. For example, if you have somebody who is looking for something for you, let's say that you are in a hotel and you need to get a power cord converter because you're in Europe and you're from the US and so you can't plug anything in and you go down to the front desk and you say to the front desk agent, Hi, do you have a power cord converter that you'd lend me? And they say, Oh, no, I we don't keep extra things like that.

03:02 Do you know where I can get one around here? No, I don't know.

03:06 There's no place around here where you can get one.

03:08 If you think in situations like that or if you call up someone and say, Hi, I need tickets for this Friday's event.

03:14 Do you have any left? And they say, no, no, you're going to be out of luck.

03:18 There's nothing left. When you have to stop and think.

03:22 Oh, what can I say to try and get this person to take action that they obviously don't want to take? The phrase, I know there's only so much you can do, but whatever you can do, I'd appreciate what you're telling someone when you use those words is, I realize that your powers are limited, so I'm going to let you off the hook.

03:41 And I'm appearing to be rather compassionate.

03:43 For example, I don't want to say I know there's only so much you can do.

03:48 Right? I'm trying to say I realize that your powers, while great, are limited.

03:52 And so if I express that to somebody, I realize that there's so much you can do.

03:57 And then I tell them, however, whatever you could do, I would appreciate.

04:02 There's something about that phrase that I learned at a conference about ten years ago.

04:06 I started using it and I saw immediate results and couldn't believe how much people will do for you when you first tell them.

04:14 I realized there's only so much you can do.

04:16 And then when you follow it up with a however, whatever you can do, I'd appreciate people tend to hear that and say.

04:25 Wow. That's nice that you're being so understanding, but hey, there's a lot more that I can do than you might realize.

04:31 And since you're nice and you've kind of doubted my powers, I'm going to show you.

04:36 And they tend to do things. For example, when I was using that at the front desk of the hotel, I got a power card within 5 minutes.

04:43 It's amazing how people will look for things and find it.

04:45 It's amazing how if you say to somebody on the phone, Oh, you're all out of tickets, well, I realize there's only so much you can do, but whatever you can do, I'd appreciate it. It's amazing how magically extra tickets pop up, magically, things that you need that you thought you might not get.

05:00 You will get with the right phrases like the phrase, for example, I'm here for you.

05:05 This is a phrase where you would use it instead of a closing such as sincerely or cheers in an email, for example.

05:16 Emails can be tricky, right? And if you know somebody who has particular problems with emails, remind them, hey, those lead in lines and closing lines can transform a message.

05:27 If you're ending an email message and instead of saying something simple, such as cheers or best regards, you say if you need anything else.

05:36 Remember I'm Dan and I'm here for you.

05:38 That can transform a mediocre message into one that creates the PEC at the end. And they will walk away from that email thinking of you and the outstanding service that you provide.

05:50 The reason our policy.

05:52 Let's talk about this phrase.

05:53 There are times in any business where we need to say to our customers, Oh, no, I can't do that for you because our policy prevents it.

06:02 How do we handle those particular instances? Train people to say instead of simply our policy, any time that phrase comes out of the mouth, it should be prefaced and finished with the two phrases. The reason? So if I'm going to say our policy, I want to get into the habit of saying, well, the reason our policy and then give a benefit statement that starts off with so that you or so you can, for example, let's say that you're working at a bank and a customer calls you and says, Hi.

06:36 I just saw that I was charged $20 for my last overdraft.

06:40 Could you waive that for me, please? That's a lot of money. If you are inclined to say something such as, Oh, unfortunately I can't.

06:47 Our policy states that I can only waive one fee per month and I can see we've already waived a fee this month for you.

06:53 So no, if we train ourselves to use lead in lines and closing lines, I can transform a really negative message like that to something that's actually a benefit for the customer.

07:04 And say something such as, Oh, Mr.

07:06 Jones, I'd like to be helpful.

07:08 However, unfortunately, the reason our policy only allows me to waive one fee per month is so that you and the rest of our customers actually can enjoy better rates the entire year round.

07:19 And now I've taken something that's a common negative aggravating message and turned it into a benefit for the customer.

07:25 Everybody can do that and they can do it easily with the right lead in lines, closing lines and power phrases.

07:31 For example, we are asked frequently at work questions that we don't know the answer to.

07:35 And we know enough to say, I don't know when we don't know.

07:40 But many of us haven't yet added something to the I don't know where I'm not sure phrase.

07:46 And if on the fly somebody asks you, let's say that you're a server at a restaurant and someone says, Could you tell me if there's any peanuts in the salad dressing? I'm allergic to peanuts.

07:55 Or if you're working at a hotel and somebody says, Can you tell me, can I get an extra late checkout on Sunday? And you need to say because you're new, I'm not sure when you use specifically the phrase, I don't have that answer, but I'll get it for you. There's something about when you say, I don't have that answer, not I don't know or I'm not sure, but I don't have that answer.

08:19 And then you follow it up with But I'll get it for you.

08:22 When you say that to a customer, it is much more polished, professional and service oriented than a simple I'm not really sure.

08:30 Hold on a minute. Let me find out.

08:32 It's all about the phrases that are going to distinguish you in your organization and you as a professional from everybody else.

08:39 When you can learn phrases such as the ones we're talking about now and implement them, you immediately send a message that you invest in your professional development, for example. I know just how you feel.

08:51 If you're new in customer service or in any type of service position and you're trying to make a connection, the personal emotional connection, you're trying to use empathy statements but haven't yet learned what they are.

09:03 You might use this phrase, I know just how you feel, and it's one of the worst phrases we can use when we're trying to be empathetic.

09:10 But we learn how to purge these phrases.

09:13 We learn that using a danger phrase list helps us do it quickly and easily.

09:17 So again, if you have a group of new employees and you just want them to take 10 minutes out and improve their communication skills, this lesson, as you can see, can help people do it quickly and effectively.

09:30 Let's talk about the feel felt found for a moment.

09:33 In previous lessons, we talked about how the feel felt found can help you respond to a variety of situations.

09:39 For example, if somebody objects to something you're proposing, you can always respond by saying, I can understand why you might feel that way.

09:48 And maybe some of the other people here today have felt a similar way in the past.

09:51 However, what I have found is, and that helps you remember, validate, generalize and then respond.

09:59 Validating is when you say to somebody some version of I understand why you would think that. I appreciate why you think that I get it.

10:08 Then you generalize.

10:09 Remember that generalizing is saying you are not alone.

10:12 Other people have been in your position.

10:14 Maybe it was me, but they've come to the light and I'm about to bring you there.

10:19 If you do that before you respond, then you will increase the odds that people will actually listen to whatever it is that you're saying and change their minds.

10:28 If you're overcoming objections, you can always use a feel felt found to start.

10:33 Or even if somebody comes to you and says something such as, you know, this new system, we've implemented the cards instead of paper money.

10:41 It's terrible. It's confusing.

10:42 I don't like it if somebody complains and you don't know what to say or if a new employee especially doesn't know what to say.

10:50 If they have simple tactics like the feel, felt, found, they can always respond by saying things such as.

10:55 Mr. Jones, I understand that you're really frustrated, and I can understand why, too.

11:00 Because some other customers that I have, they were frustrated.

11:04 And I get it.

11:05 When I had to learn this new system, it was difficult.

11:08 But they found that once they gave me a chance to walk them through it from beginning to end, it was actually easier and more efficient than the old way of doing things.

11:16 And I believe if you can just give me a chance, you'll find the same thing.

11:20 Could you give me that chance? If people have the frame to push them and help get the thoughts that will be effective out of their mouth.

11:29 They're more likely to do it.

11:30 And if you can shake it up a little bit and change it from the feel, felt, found, I can understand why you'd feel that way.

11:37 Because I felt the same way once.

11:39 But now I found that it works for me and I think it'll work for you.

11:42 And instead of just saying that all the time, you shake things up and say, I can understand why you'd see it that way.

11:48 I saw it the same way once myself, but now I've seen it work for me and believe it will work for you. Or a think thought believe I can appreciate why you'd think that, because some other people have thought the same thing in the past.

11:58 However, I believe it'll work for you, just like it worked for them.

12:01 If you can give me the chance.

12:02 All it takes are the words, the scripts, the phrases.

12:06 And you can see the difference night and day, from day one to day two.

12:11 When instead of saying first thing into the brain, first thing out of the mouth, people have a plan, give them the plan, and then let them change it to suit their own personality style.

12:19 Maybe they're more kinesthetic.

12:21 Feel, felt, found.

12:22 Maybe they're more visual, see saw seen.

12:24 Maybe they're more cerebral.

12:26 Think, thought, believe.

12:27 The point is, you want to have these systems at your disposal and use them and you will see a difference immediately.

12:34 And this last three part verbal pattern that I'm going to give you is a secret.

12:40 This is used by military to take people who are the enemy and bond with them quickly.

12:47 That's something that we all need to do sometimes at work, sometimes when we're dealing with a customer or a coworker, and even if they're not being difficult, but we want to bond with them, to sell them something, to gain them as a client.

13:01 Bonding with people is something that we can do quickly and easily with the right strategies, and that then makes everything else that comes after it more easy.

13:09 And in World War Two, the Japanese would capture American soldiers and bond with them much more quickly than ever before in history.

13:16 And we were finding that the American soldiers were signing documents saying, you know what, I'm I'm siding with the Japanese now.

13:23 I'm going to sign these papers that say, yep, they're my friends, they're right, and we're going to go play cards.

13:27 And they started doing that a lot.

13:29 And the American government was saying, How did you do that? How did you get so many people who are supposedly your enemy to bond with you in such a short amount of time? And when the war was over, they said it was pretty easy.

13:42 It was the three step process that we used, and now it's the same process that you will see used the next time somebody sells you a television set or a car.

13:50 Here it is. Think about going into a store and there are lots of televisions around.

13:56 You see two of them that look about the same, but one of them is much more expensive than the other. You ask the salesperson, Hey, could you tell me about those two televisions? They look the same to me, but one of them is a lot more expensive than the other.

14:09 What's with that? If the salesperson is a savvy communicator and has been educated, they may use or you may have heard used the secret confession favor. Or, for example, let's say that I have an employee who I like and they do a great job and there's a lot of potential, but they seem to be kind of on the fence. They might want to leave.

14:28 They might not. And I want to bond with them so that I can help coach them and guide them through their career. How can I bond with people more quickly? When you bond with anybody, part of the process is going to be that you tell that person a secret. It's part of the bonding process and they tell you a secret.

14:43 If I can just do it deliberately.

14:45 I've now accomplished a big part of the bonding process.

14:48 A confession is something that you would tell somebody about you that you might not be so proud of.

14:54 And once you've done it, there is a bond that has been formed that you can't deny.

14:58 And then comes the favor.

15:01 Remember that when you do a favor for somebody that is not nearly as powerful in terms of bonding, then when you ask them to do a favor for you, when you put all three things together, here's what it sounds like.

15:13 Let's say that you go in to buy a television and you ask the question, What's the difference between these two TVs? They look the same. The salesperson might say to you.

15:24 Let me tell you a secret.

15:26 Those two televisions are really similar.

15:29 The only reason the one is more expensive than the other.

15:32 Is because it was last year's model and it was more expensive to create that technology last year. In fact, I have to confess, if I were to buy one of the two televisions, I would get the cheaper one, because as I mentioned, it's cheaper and it's newer.

15:48 It's just cheaper to create the technology.

15:50 Now, don't get the older one for more money.

15:53 But do me a favor. Don't tell my boss that I told you that.

15:56 And don't tell anybody else that I told you that.

15:58 And even if we listen to that and we know that's a secret confession favor, I might hear that, for example, as I have many times, and I'll hear it and think that's the secret. Hmm.

16:07 But I don't discount them.

16:09 I actually respect them more and think I'm going to listen to you.

16:12 Because someone who invests in their education so much, I'm going to listen to.

16:17 Just like when you hear somebody speak a language.

16:20 Well, for example, it's as if you hear somebody speak your language, whatever that is. Well, you don't discount them and think, Hey, wait, you speak English? Well, there's something wrong here, or you don't think you're using the Spanish language so well, I no longer trust you.

16:39 It's just the opposite.

16:40 I say that because many people ask me, Dan, what if I'm using a feel, felt found or a secret confession favor or one of these strategies? And someone else has taken this training and says, Hey, you've taken the Dan O'Connor tactical communication course.

16:54 My response is always the same.

16:56 Well, how would you feel if somebody came up to you and started speaking your language? Well. And people will inevitably say.

17:04 I guess I respect that.

17:06 I like that it's the same thing.

17:08 So don't be shy.

17:09 When you use verbal patterns or tactics or strategies because you're afraid that people will notice it.

17:15 It's as if people are noticing that you're speaking your language correctly, because once you start communication training and you use more and more of these strategies, this will be your new language.

17:25 And when you recognize it in others, you will respect them more, just as they will respect you more. In this lecture, you learned how to use power phrases to deal with many common, difficult situations that you'll have at work, as well as what are some of the danger phrases that you can avoid so that you don't make the situations worse? And you also learned how to use three part verbal patterns that include psychological maneuvers to get what you want and achieve your communication goal.