Projecting an Image of Power and Confidence Using Non-Verbal Cues

00:01 In this lecture, we'll continue talking about nonverbal communication and specifically your tone, how you can find and use what's called your power tone.

00:09 We'll also talk about some ways that you can visually project the image of a player who belongs in your organization, as well as how you can use communication props to convey your message. Let's start out talking about our professional image and how we can find what would be considered your professional power tone.

00:30 We recognize many people simply by their tone.

00:34 For example, when you hear the voice of Darth Vader, you know it's Darth Vader's voice. There are many voices that instantly trigger an emotional response from people. And the voice, the tone of your voice is something that you can use to project an image of more credibility, more professionalism, more power. And especially if you find yourself asking, Why don't they find me to be as credible as the other person? Why, when I deliver a message, people don't find it to be as credible as when John delivers a message.

01:07 Or as when Mark delivers a message, what is it? Do you remember what percentage of the message is tone? The tone in your voice.

01:15 Remember the words.

01:16 The actual words that we speak is always the smallest part of the message.

01:20 The visual component of a message when you're communicating in person tends to be over half the message, depending on what you read about 55%.

01:29 The tone in our voice tends to be, depending on what you read, about 38% of the message or easily four times the importance of the words that you use.

01:40 So how can we have an effect on our tone? How can we change the tone of our voice without people noticing and thinking, What are you doing? And how can we affect the way people feel when we talk to them simply by using our voice? And remember that people tend not to remember specifically the words that you use when you communicate with them.

02:00 They remember how they feel when you communicate with them, and then they'll remember a few phrases or keywords here and there.

02:06 But it's generally going to be the way people feel when they're with you that they remember, and your tone affects the way they feel much more than the words that you're using. Now I realize one word can make or break any message, which is why we do things like keep danger phrase lists and power phrase lists and learn verbal tactics.

02:23 But let's talk about our tone and what we can do to improve the message we send simply by focusing on tone.

02:31 Alright, it's time for an exercise.

02:33 I'd like you to put your finger or two fingers on the middle of your throat lightly.

02:38 Don't press on your throat.

02:39 Just touch lightly.

02:40 Your throat. And now look down.

02:42 Tilt your chin down in your head down as if you were staring at your belly button.

02:47 All right, so stare down into your lap.

02:49 And now as you hold that position, pretend as if I'm saying something that you profoundly agree with and say, hmm.

02:59 All right, do that. Hmm.

03:02 Do it again. Mm hmm.

03:05 Mm hmm.

03:07 Keep doing that while you say, Hmm, you'll notice that you should feel a strong vibration on your fingertips.

03:14 If you don't, you're not agreeing with me wholeheartedly enough.

03:18 So keep trying.

03:19 Mm. Until you really feel that vibration.

03:23 Mm hmm.

03:25 And now what I'd like you to do.

03:27 This is the difficult part as you hold the.

03:30 Mm hmm.

03:31 That. Mm.

03:32 At the end. Lift your chin up as you do it.

03:35 So do this. Mm hmm.

03:38 And as you say.

03:39 Mm hmm.

03:41 Lift your chin up.

03:43 While you do that, you'll probably notice that you'll do something like this. Hmm.

03:50 And for most people, it's difficult to lift your chin up as you maintain the hum or the. Hmm.

03:57 But if you can practice doing that.

03:59 Hmm. So that you can maintain the hum the whole time.

04:03 I mean, as you go around the house, just go around the house saying.

04:06 Mm hmm.

04:10 And get into the vibe.

04:12 Because when you do that, that final vibration.

04:15 Hmm. Will be what is considered your power tone.

04:20 And when you feel that vibe, the same vibe that you feel when you say.

04:24 Mm hmm.

04:25 When you start to feel that as you speak, you know that you're in the range that would be considered your power tone.

04:31 That's going to be the range that simply by listening to you, even if you're speaking a language like Chinese or Japanese, that somebody does not understand, they will still find whatever you're saying to be more credible, more believable based on facts, more professional.

04:48 If you use that tone and if you, for example, have to go in and make a presentation and you think, oh, I need to pull out all the stops.

04:57 I need to do everything that I can possibly do to convince these people that I know what I'm talking about.

05:03 Remember how long it takes for us to form a first impression? It takes about 30 seconds.

05:08 So if you can focus on that tone, as I'm doing right now for just 30 seconds, as you open, then you can speak however you choose because people will form their impression of you and stick to it.

05:18 But if you can incorporate that and stick to it as much as you can during the first 30 seconds, and then use it and use it as a base tone as you speak, you will notice that people will find you to be more credible and professional and believable. What happens is many times people will come to me and they'll say, You know, Dan, I just don't know why people aren't finding me to be credible.

05:40 I say the same thing that someone else does, but they believe the other person and not me.

05:45 Remember, if you use a tone that's too high, or if you use a tone that's too low. People won't buy the message as much as they will if you use what would be considered your power tone.

05:57 And there are many different courses in ways that will help you find your power tone. If you take a course or if you buy something online or take another class, you will find that it all really comes down to.

06:11 Hmm. And if you can find that vibe and focus on it and practice it, you will find a change in the way people respond to you.

06:19 And one word of warning.

06:21 If you change your voice, you change your tone, you start using a different tone from the one that you may be using. Now people will notice.

06:28 For example, Oprah Winfrey, who is someone that I consider to be one of the most successful communicators of all time, even if you don't like her or if you don't watch her, if you look up successful communicators, Oprah's right at the top.

06:40 She gets paid more than any communicator has ever been paid to communicate.

06:44 And when she communicates, she does it in her power tone.

06:49 And it's interesting, if you look at most communicators that are on television, for example, when they start, if they have a brand new television show, a brand new interview show, radio show, news show, watch how their voice changes.

07:01 Within the first year, for example, Oprah dropped her voice more than more than an octave because she learned that her audience found her to be more credible and relatable if she dropped her voice.

07:12 Many men will find that they will need to raise their voice to find their power tone range.

07:19 But when you think, hmm, there's some reason why I'm not connecting with my audience or with my customer or whomever it may be user power tone, and it helps you connect with people and they will find you more credible and professional.

07:34 Let's talk about some more nonverbal communication strategies.

07:38 What do you do to project more of an image of somebody who belongs to be where they are, who deserves to be where they are, and actually deserves to be farther along that you are in line for the next promotion or bonus or big sale, or you are the person that the customer wants to work with as opposed to your competition. How can you project that image? We've already talked about, for example, the words we know that we can change our words to speak the language of a powerful, savvy communicator.

08:07 We can change our tone so that we sound like a powerful, savvy communicator. We haven't talked a whole lot about how to look like one, so let's talk about that now. Remember, when you come into work, we are all in uniform. When you come into work, what you wear says something about where you want to be. It doesn't say a whole lot about where you are.

08:30 It says where you want to be.

08:32 Remember that when you come into work, if you are dressed for your current position, whatever your position is, whether it's entry level or management, if you can choose the clothing that you wear when you come into work, what you're wearing signifies where you want to be.

08:49 So let's talk about that for a moment, because many people come into work and they think, Well, I'm not going to dress like I'm the CEO of the company.

08:56 I mean, I'm in the call center, so I dress like it.

08:59 Then what that projects is, I want to stay here in the future.

09:03 Many times you will see people at work who come into work and they seem to be overdressed for their positions.

09:09 You know, they'll come in to work in a suit and tie when they're in a position where really nobody sees them except their boss.

09:15 And you will notice that they stand out.

09:17 And sometimes people think that they look odd or out of place, but they don't think that for long because that's the person who is more likely to get a promotion or a position that moves them out of wherever it is they are.

09:28 If you've heard the expression, if you ever watched what not to wear, you've heard this.

09:33 Dress for the position you want, not the position you have.

09:38 Because when people look at you, they will mentally decide in a split second, as we've been discussing, where you really belong, who you are, based on the visual cues that you're sending.

09:49 So, for example, if you are dressed as an entry level, beginning professional, as dressed or should dress or does dress, people are going to look at you and think of you as an entry level beginner professional.

10:02 If you are dressed as an executive CEO or management dresses, people will look at you and think of you as that.

10:08 Therefore, if you're planting that message already, when it comes time to look for somebody who would most likely fit the mold of a manager supervisor, they're going to more likely think of you because you look like that position.

10:23 And whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, it's a fact.

10:26 People, including you and me, look at other people and size them up.

10:31 We judge them.

10:32 We connect them with other people who look the way they do.

10:35 We decide where people belong, where they're from, where they're going, and where they are based on how they look before they even open their mouths.

10:43 So if you look like the position you want, you're more likely to get the position you want.

10:50 So ask yourself when you look at executives or people in the position that you want to have someday.

10:56 Ask yourself, What shoes are they wearing? What pants are they wearing? What are the visual cues that they send that are telling me they're in the position that I want to have? For example, are they wearing a certain type of jewelry? Are they carrying a certain type of technology? Is their hair a certain way? What are the things that you can start to emulate that will send signals that you're part of that club as well? Remember, we are all wearing uniforms every single day and the uniforms that we wear from the minute we get up to the minute we go to bed, tell the world where we believe we belong.

11:33 So ask yourself, when you look right now, where are you telling the world you belong and where would you like to tell the world you belong? Are they the same thing? And if not, make some adjustments so that you say to the world through your uniform, This is who I am.

11:48 Because everything that we put on says something about us.

11:52 I'd like you to take a look at the man in the picture.

11:54 Now, when you look at him, what do you think about him? Go. Do you think he looks approachable? Do you think he looks professional? Would you be comfortable sitting down and talking with him? Do you think that he's a nice person? Do you think he's fun? What do you think about him? And now I ask yourself why? Why do you think that about him? Is it the way he's sitting? Is it the way he's looking? Is it the way he's dressed? Or is it all of those things put together? We could talk about body language forever, but you can tell instinctively by looking at someone who is sitting, for example, in that position that they're more than confident, but they tend to be what we call cocky.

12:35 They tend to think so much of themselves that they put others off.

12:39 We tend to know by looking at his uniform that he's wearing, even though most people wouldn't call it a uniform, that he's probably in something such as the financial business, securities business, insurance business.

12:51 Right. And you probably know by looking at him that he makes an average amount of money, about 50 to $60000 a year.

12:58 And the shoes, the briefcase tell you that when you look at somebody like that, when you look at anybody, when you ask yourself, why do I think what I think about them, you'll start to notice, well, it's because of that.

13:12 Q It's because of that.

13:13 Q It's because of that signal.

13:15 We are all sending signals, not just through our uniform or the way we're dressed, but also through the props we use.

13:23 So before we end this lesson, I would like to talk about how you can use props to send a visual message that you belong where you are and you belong to be where you're going.

13:34 What are communication props? A prop is something that you can carry with you and set down and leave someplace.

13:40 It's not something that you would wear, but a prop is something that you would use to either send a communication message or during a communication situation.

13:49 For example, a prop that I might use when dealing with someone who is called the crybaby at work, somebody who tends to use crying as a strategy to get out of having a difficult conversation.

14:03 A prop might be a box of tissues.

14:05 For example, if I go in and talk to somebody who I know is going to try to use crying as a defense and get out of the conversation, that may be difficult that we're about to have. I might bring in a box of tissues, and as we're speaking, if they start to cry as a strategy, I might take that box and give it to them.

14:21 And if I had planned on that in advance, that's a prop.

14:24 If I'm using a availability monitor, something that I place around me to show people, for example, if it's a egg timer and on the top it's red, on the bottom it's green.

14:36 And I can flip it back and forth.

14:37 And that would signal I'm available.

14:40 I'm not available.

14:41 That would be a prop.

14:42 But some of the props that we use to deliver a message are going to be things like technology pieces.

14:49 Right now, if you carry, for example, a certain type of phone that says something to others about where you are and where you're going, right? So when you go into a meeting, if you want to project an image that says, not only do I belong here, I belong in the position that I desire.

15:07 And you see why.

15:09 If you notice the type of phone that other people use and you really want to send the message that you are part of that club, you belong there, buy that phone, set it down. If you notice that people use a certain type of pen by that pen, set it down, show it.

15:25 If, for example, during a business meeting, I'm waiting for somebody to finish a phone call, or if I'm having more of a personal conversation, if I show a cell phone, that's never a good communication strategy.

15:37 If, however, I have paper with me, a portfolio, a leather binder, and if I'm waiting, I have a moment.

15:43 I pull that out and take notes.

15:45 Even if the notes simply say, I'm waiting for them to get off the phone, that's sending a signal that I'm a professional who's always prepared to do business, and I send that signal using a prop and I make sure to send the right signal by not taking out something such as a cell phone during a personal meeting.

16:02 If you pay attention to if you have not yet done this, the props that people use to visually send messages that I'm part of this club, that I'm paying attention, that I'm not paying attention.

16:13 For example, talking about cell phones, you know that many people pull out cell phones, whether they're conscious of it or not, to show the person that they're with.

16:21 Hmm. I'm no longer interested in being with you.

16:24 So look at the props people use consciously and subconsciously to send messages about where they belong, who they associate with, and wherever you want to be or whatever club you want to fit into.

16:37 Start using their props.

16:38 And before we wrap up this lecture, I'd like to leave you with one verbal strategy.

16:43 Since we've been talking so much about non-verbal strategies, the piggyback, let's say we have taken advantage of all of the strategies we've talked about so far.

16:52 We found the right tone.

16:54 We came into the meeting and sat in the right place.

16:57 We brought the right props.

16:58 We wore the right uniform.

17:00 We are sending all of the nonverbal messages the right way that we possibly could.

17:05 But the meeting's about to end, and we have not yet sent a verbal message.

17:10 Nobody's heard us speak.

17:12 Not speaking during a meeting.

17:14 Not contributing to a meeting sends a message.

17:17 And I don't want to send that message that, you know, I really don't have anything to contribute here. So why would you invite me to the next meeting? We don't want to send that message.

17:26 So if you get to the end of a meeting, let's say that you're in a company meeting, a sales meeting, and you have not yet used your voice.

17:33 You have not yet said anything that contributed to that meeting.

17:37 Use this strategy.

17:39 The piggyback is a simple way to ensure that your voice is heard, even if you haven't really thought of anything to contribute or say during this meeting when the meeting's about to end, remember that any idea that's presented during a meeting is going to be connected with someone who spoke about that idea.

17:57 But let's say that someone else has an idea and you want to piggyback off of it, or basically attach yourself to that idea so that you're seen as someone who contributes to the meeting, but you don't want to offend the person whose idea it was. You know what I mean? We all know people who steal other people's ideas.

18:15 We don't want to do that.

18:17 But if I don't have anything to contribute on my own, I do want my voice to be heard and I do want to be connected with the good ideas that I hear.

18:25 So how do we piggyback the right way? There are two keys that you want to implement when you piggyback off of somebody else's idea. Key.

18:34 Number one, use the person's name, the person whose idea you're piggybacking off of. For example, if Charlie in your organization had an idea, his idea is to invest in communication, training, and you have contributed nothing. And you think, I'm going to piggyback off of that idea? If you start by saying something such as this, let's say that your meeting leader says, All right, we're about to wrap up.

18:59 Does anyone have anything else they'd like to say before we leave? And you were to say. Yes.

19:04 I have something I'd like to say that I really appreciated Charlie's idea and how we suggested that we invest more in communication training.

19:11 I like that idea, and I totally agree.

19:13 If Charlie hears that, he's going to hear that you said his name at the beginning and that you were verbally, publicly supporting his idea.

19:22 He'll be happy, but everybody else will hear that.

19:25 You spoke about an idea.

19:27 And if you're the last one to speak on that idea, that idea tends to be more connected with you than with the person who originally spoke about it.

19:36 So the two things you want to do when you piggyback off of someone else's idea, our number one, use the person's name at the beginning, they'll be happy.

19:44 And number two, be the last one to speak about that idea.

19:48 And everyone will connect that idea with you.

19:51 So if you don't have anything to contribute, use that strategy.

19:55 And now you'll not only be seen as a player, you're using the right tools, you're sending the right cues. But you will also be heard as someone who contributes to the organization. And when you can both be seen and heard as a powerful contributing player, you will be the next one to get that promotion or the job that you are looking to get. So in this lecture, you learned a lot of nonverbal communication strategies. You learn how to find your power tone and use it to project an image of more power and professionalism, as well as more strategies that help you visually project the image of one who belongs where they are and belongs to be where they want to go. And finally, we wrapped up talking about some strategies that you can use, like the piggyback during meetings, even if you can't find the words to further reinforce that you are a player and one who contributes to your organization.