Understanding Myself as a Negotiator

by Dr. Juan Diaz-Prinz

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    00:01 Hi and welcome to understanding myself as a negotiator.

    00:05 In many of the other lectures, we focus on some of the process skills and some of the theories of negotiation.

    00:14 In this particular lecture, We're going to look at if you are able to understand the need for strategic thinking, we're going to focus on our self.

    00:24 We will also become a little more familiar with the skills needed to be a successful negotiator.

    00:31 You will develop a sense of what your own personal style in a negotiation is and you'll be able to fulfill some of the basic expectations people have when they're sitting around the table negotiating.

    00:44 Now, we know that the studies are negotiations focus on two different aspects of negotiation.

    00:50 One is the science of negotiation, the theories, the approaches, the analytical aspects, and the different paradigms are models of negotiation.

    01:00 In this lecture, what we're going to do is focus on ourselves what we call the art of negotiations, the skills that are needed in helping us to be more creative and be better listeners.

    01:14 Now one thing I want to say is from the very beginning you are already a negotiator.

    01:21 Not only are you a negotiator you are a successful negotiator.

    01:25 You know why? Because you've been doing it from the day you were born.

    01:30 And just imagine that the first two years of your life, you are not able to speak and communicate your interests your needs or your wishes yet somehow in your early years, you are able to communicate these things without words and you were able to negotiate with your own parents what you needed.

    01:53 So most of us have built inside of us and archive of repertoire of experiences about how we are as negotiators.

    02:03 More importantly, we also have built inside of us our own internal instinct about what is successful in negotiation.

    02:14 I'd like to give you a few more reasons why you should learn negotiations professionally.

    02:19 Number one learning by doing is fun, but not necessary.

    02:24 We have built up over 20 or 30 years an entire archive of studies and best practices by the greatest practitioners around the world.

    02:33 You can profit from those studies.

    02:36 Number two.

    02:37 Our main goal should be to maximize the potential of every negotiation.

    02:41 If you're leaving value at the table, this course will help you to increase the potential of that negotiation.

    02:49 Number three, by learning a few new ideas, we can ensure that your outcomes will be more effective in the next negotiation.

    02:57 Number four, as complicated as problems may be, conflicts of the future are becoming even more complex.

    03:05 We require new and creative solutions.

    03:07 Here, this course will teach you how to be more creative.

    03:11 And number five, escalating conflict has consequences.

    03:15 If you can learn a few tips along the way in this course, you will be able to deescalate those conflicts and save yourself a big headache.

    03:23 Now, the question we have for ourselves is what is strategic thinking? Strategic thinking, strategic negotiation focuses on finding and developing mutually beneficial opportunities systemically to create value for all stakeholders.

    03:42 It's very important to realize that being strategic involves having clarity of purpose and quality of relationships.

    03:50 It involves maintaining an overview of what is going on and thinking in time in terms of past present and future.

    04:00 It also has a very focused intention and reflects on the different linkages with things that are going on at the table.

    04:08 More importantly, it means to strengthen communication so that what you say is exactly what you meant to say.

    04:17 Now, let's ask ourselves, What is negotiation? Is it different from communication? Well, you need communication to negotiate.

    04:27 There's absolutely no negotiation without communication, but in this course we're looking at a specific form of negotiation when we're sitting around the table talking to colleagues about an outcome.

    04:41 A negotiation is an interaction between two or more persons who seek to, A. exchange something for example information B. wish to resolve a conflict of interest of needs or desires and C. which to regulate their future cooperation.

    05:00 Now what is an ideal situation for negotiation? I believe there are three conditions in a negotiation.

    05:09 Number one the parties have to have the desire to negotiate which is greater than the desire to use power or force.

    05:19 As long as people feel they can achieve more through power, they will continued to do that.

    05:26 Number two parties have to recognize that they are in an interdependent relationship.

    05:33 If party A does not feel that party B needs them.

    05:37 They would solve the problem without them number thre, agreement between the parties that the rules that dominated their interaction no longer apply.

    05:50 If the rules are clear and we value our interdependent relationship and we value the negotiation, we will continue to have a very harmonious relationship.

    06:02 As soon as the interpret dependent relationship begins to become unstable and the rules no longer apply, there is a need to negotiate.

    06:11 Now at this point you might be asking what are some of the skills that characterize a successful negotiator.

    06:18 Well, we have two sets of skills.

    06:21 On the one hand, we have process skills, on the other hand, we have interpersonal skills.

    06:28 Process skills involve for example example learning how to design phases and integrate logistics so that the process does not feel burdened or cumbersome.

    06:40 Another process kill would be learning how to get the parties to agree to a problem, identifying the joint problem amongst the parties.

    06:52 Number three, learning how to sequence things in an order that builds momentum, and number four, very technically, how does one bargain across the table with negotiating partners.

    07:06 On the other side, we have what we call interpersonal skills.

    07:10 Learning to listen actively.

    07:13 Crafting messages in a way that you send them to the receiver and it arrives exactly the way you intended.

    07:21 Dealing with the emotions when they get very excited at the table or learning to promote creativity and very difficult situations.

    07:31 Lastly and very importantly, learning to develop empathy in a negotiation and that having empathy does not mean reaching agreement is a very important skill to have.

    07:44 Now I'd like to turn to what our personal styles are in a negotiation.

    07:51 We know from studies that have been done over years that there is a direct correlation between the relationship that the parties have and the issues involved.

    08:04 We also know that that correlation involves how much am I interested in cooperation, meaning how much am I interested in meeting the interest of the other side and how much I'm interested in being assertive in my own interest.

    08:22 The first thing we want to look at is what happens when we don't really have an interest in cooperation and we don't have an interest in the the issue.

    08:32 For example, imagine you've had a very challenging morning you had to get up, you were in a hurry, you we're late for work, you get to the office, you have actually the first team meeting very very early in the morning.

    08:45 But you need to check your emails to make sure that anything you need to do today gets done.

    08:50 The first email you see is an email from somebody you don't know.

    08:54 They're asking for cooperation, It involves investing resources and the emails not very clear and not very well composed.

    09:03 You don't know the person, and you don't really understand the issue.

    09:08 What would you do in that situation? And I tell you what, I would do.

    09:13 I probably would either delete the email or just leave it there for a few days until I have time.

    09:19 And we all know that quite often those emails never get answered.

    09:25 This is what we call avoiding the topic.

    09:29 Now some of us are natural avoiders.

    09:32 We don't like conflict, we don't like raising the issues because it involves reducing our aspirations of our own outcomes.

    09:42 Sometimes people think of loiters are more diplomatic and polite.

    09:48 Unfortunately avoiding can be an obstacle for gathering information on what the other actually needs.

    09:58 It passes up legitimate opportunities to create value amongst negotiating partners.

    10:05 And in some cases if you avoid too much it might make the other side feel like they are wasting their time.

    10:12 On the other hand, there is something positive about avoiding.

    10:16 In some very important situations, you might think that it's not the right time to intervene and you might want to to wait until the time becomes better.

    10:28 In this situation avoiding to improve the chances of success is very helpful.

    10:36 Now imagine that you care about the relationship a lot and not so much about the issue.

    10:43 You have a colleague in the office who is always helping you with every project you do.

    10:50 They never asked for anything and one time they arrive and they ask you for something.

    10:56 In many of these situations, we tend to do what is called accommodating.

    11:01 Accommodating the wishes of the other side.

    11:04 It is based on trying to meet the other side's needs as much as possible.

    11:09 Quite often, it's used to end negotiations very quickly, but it does have some weaknesses.

    11:16 Sometimes people are perceived as being too nice.

    11:20 Moreover, it can be exploited by people who are very competitive.

    11:25 And when people feel exploited they begin to develop resentment and frustration.

    11:31 There is a danger that when someone yields too much, they may lose support from their own supporters.

    11:39 Now imagine a third scenario, where you care a lot about the issue.

    11:46 This means you might get a promotion you might get a bonus and you don't really care about the other side.

    11:53 Maybe the negotiating partner belongs to an external organization.

    11:58 You've never met them.

    12:00 In this situation, we tend to be a little more competitive.

    12:05 And what we try to do is to push the other side as close as possible as to our own desired outcome.

    12:13 There is a tendency to try to make sure that we dominate the process through some applying some pressure, making sure that we take some positions, we develop some arguments, and we don't help the other side to achieve their goals.

    12:27 People who are very good at competing tend to see the world as a game or a puzzle.

    12:33 They also act well under pressure or crisis situations competing negotiations also helps to break down the issues.

    12:44 Unfortunately, computers believe that this is the only way to solve the problem and it could lead to conflict escalation.

    12:52 Now if I care a lot about the issue and a lot about the relationship, I'm going to do what's called a win-win collaborating.

    13:03 This is a moment where we want to develop a relationship, joint gains, be creative and solve the problem.

    13:13 Collaborating involves finding options that meet the interest of all sides.

    13:19 Persons who adopt a strategy enjoy problem solving, they like to get to the root of the problem.

    13:25 They actually enjoy negotiating and sometimes, unfortunately, they make very simple problems more complex.

    13:34 Sometimes, non collaborators such as computers find it difficult to deal with problem solvers because of the indirect nature of problem solving.

    13:43 Lastly, we come to the very famous compromising.

    13:48 Halfway between yielding and competing between avoiding problem-solving.

    13:53 At the smack center of this graph, you will see compromising because it involves a series of offers and counteroffers to find the exact midpoint between the different positions.

    14:06 Quite often people try to use fair standards and it works well under pressure.

    14:12 Compromises sometimes can be seen as being lazy because it always ends up with the least common denominator.

    14:21 Now looking at this graph one more time, we can see the five different styles that have been tried and tested throughout the last few years.

    14:30 We have avoiding, accommodating, competing, collaborating, and compromising.

    14:38 What we've learned is that most of us have our natural tendency to be one or the other.

    14:44 But we've also learned that in an ideal situation, there is a set of possible options that might involve a mixture of issues and a mixture of styles.

    14:56 You might need to compete a little bit on a salary negotiation, but might be willing to yield for example on the number of vacation days in order to get that salary.

    15:08 You might also be willing to compromise on the type of work you would be willing to do for that organization.

    15:13 And lastly you might be willing to collaborate on finding creative solutions to ensure that you have a work-life balance in the company.

    15:23 The ideal situation involves, a little bit of competing, a little bit of collaborating, and a little bit of compromising.

    15:31 Why is that? Most people want to defend their interest, they want to give a little to get a little, and at the same time they want to solve any problems that come in the way.

    15:45 Now lastly, I'd like to come to what do people expect in a negotiations.

    15:50 When I sit down, do I have something in common with everybody at the table? Well, number one, everyone at the table wants to be successful.

    16:02 They want to reach agreement.

    16:04 Now some of you might say that there are spoilers who come to the negotiation just to spoil their meeting.

    16:09 Yes, but by and large if you've done your homework if you have done your pre-negotiation work, you will know that everyone at the table is there to be successful.

    16:19 And this can be a common bond.

    16:22 Number two, everyone at the table has a sense of Fairness of Justice, understanding what that expectation is will help you to reach a winning solution.

    16:36 Number three, most people do not want to fight.

    16:40 Most people would like a harmonious successful negotiation.

    16:45 Fighting comes with our perceptions and our assumptions about the negotiations are incompatible.

    16:51 So working on those in advance will help to ensure that we don't have a conflicting confrontation negotiation.

    17:01 Number four, everyone at the table would like to get as much as they can, they'd like to be able to go home and say look I achieved my goals maximizing profit, maximizing gains, creating value at the table can be a common interest amongst all the participants.

    17:20 Number five, every single person at the table wants to be heard and understood.

    17:27 I want you to imagine the last time you were sitting around the table and you didn't feel heard and understood.

    17:35 What did happened inside of you? How did you feel? Did you close up? Did you refuse to negotiate further? Did you escalate the conflict? Being heard and understood is one of the most basic expectations that every single person carries with them into a negotiation.

    17:55 And tied to that, number 6, they want to be heard and understood because they want to have their concerns, fears and needs addressed.

    18:06 What is the point of going to a negotiation and walking out empty-handed? If you can keep in mind that people want to reach an agreement be treated fairly, not fight, maximize their gains, be heard and understood so that at the total end of the negotiation their concerns fears and needs are addressed.

    18:29 You're well on the way to meeting the expectations of the other negotiators at the table.

    18:35 In conclusion, I hope you were able to understand what is needed in strategic thinking.

    18:41 That you have become familiar with the skills needed to be successful in negotiations.

    18:46 And that you have now a better understanding of your own style in negotiations, and lastly, you have been able to fulfill the basic expectations of the people sitting at the negotiation table.

    18:57 I wish you a lot of success in your next negotiations.

    About the Lecture

    The lecture Understanding Myself as a Negotiator by Dr. Juan Diaz-Prinz is from the course Negotiation Skills & Strategies (EN). It contains the following chapters:

    • Understanding Myself as a Negotiator
    • What is Negotiation?
    • Strategic Negotiation Styles
    • Expectations

    Included Quiz Questions

    1. Maintaining an overview
    2. Reflecting on linkages
    3. Having clarity of purpose and quality of relationships.
    4. Reacting immediately to something you dislike.
    5. Having a plan.
    1. Desire to negotiate is higher than desire to impose.
    2. There is an interdependent relationship.
    3. Previously accepted rules no longer apply.
    4. There are divergent interests.
    5. Parties are angry with each other.
    1. Messaging
    2. Sequencing
    3. Active Listening
    4. Creativity
    5. Impatience
    1. Bluffing
    2. Competing
    3. Collaborating
    4. Yielding
    5. Avoiding
    1. Works well under pressure
    2. It support dialogue
    3. It is empathetic
    4. There is free flow of communication
    5. There is accommodation for others
    1. Reach an agreement
    2. Fairness
    3. Have their concerns met
    4. Be heard and understood
    5. To fight

    Author of lecture Understanding Myself as a Negotiator

    Dr. Juan Diaz-Prinz

    Dr. Juan Diaz-Prinz

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