Identifying Difficult People at the Workplace

00:01 In this lecture, you're going to learn how to identify some of the difficult people that you work with and why you would want to identify them or in other words, know what their names are. Once you do that, we're going to talk about some freestyle scripting techniques that you can use to effectively deal with specific, difficult people such as the backstabber and other passive aggressive behavior at work.

00:22 And then we're going to talk about how to use business tools, such as an availability monitor to help you deal with different, difficult people.

00:30 Why is it important to know what someone's name is? I'll tell you why. I'd like you to think about the most difficult person you work with. All right? Think about that person, the one who you bring home with you at the end of the day.

00:44 Think about that person.

00:47 I'd like you to think about that person and how you bring them home at the end of the day. You eat dinner with that person.

00:53 You wash dishes with that person.

00:55 You sleep in your bed with that person.

00:57 And what we do is we tend to think, for example, if that person's name is Mary, ooh, that Mary, she's driving me crazy.

01:03 Ooh, that Mary boy.

01:04 I don't know what I'm going to do with that, Mary. That does us no good.

01:08 There aren't any resources or studies done on how to change Mary's behavior when she's around you. However, if you think, who is that difficult person? What is her name? When she's difficult, what is her name? You can go to, for example, your learning library.

01:24 Everybody should have a learning library at work.

01:28 And in your learning library at work, you should always have various resources on dealing with difficult people.

01:34 Because what will happen is if you know the basic names of the different difficult people with whom you work and live, then when you're having a challenge with them, instead of just trying to figure out on your own, What can I do with Mary or What can I do with Bob? You can recognize when Mary's difficult.

01:52 She's a seven, for example, or when Bob's difficult, he's a sniper.

01:58 And if you have the correct tools in your library, you can then go to your library, take out your tools and say, Sniper, sniper.

02:05 What was it again that I was supposed to do with the sniper? And you can review the type of behavior that has been shown to work with a sniper, with a steamroller, with a time bomb, and so on and so on, because it's not your job to study and remember who are all of the different, difficult people and how to deal with them? Chances are you're going to deal with one specific type every now and then. So instead of trying to learn about all of the difficult people, it's important to learn what their names are.

02:34 Then when you deal with one of them, you simply go to your library and then simply reference that person in the chapter of the book that you have in your reference library and you're good to go.

02:43 Instead of memorizing everything, memorize what you need to know and you need to know what the names of the difficult people are with whom you work.

02:51 So let's talk about a few of the most common.

02:53 And by the way, for more information on these difficult people, check out some of our lectures, specifically dealing with the compulsions that make us difficult and the names of different, difficult people.

03:04 The sniper is simply one of the most common, difficult people that we work with and live with. There are three.

03:10 The three most common, difficult people that you see on a daily basis are going to be the sniper, the exploder and the steamroller.

03:17 You will recognize the sniper because that is the person who insults you masked in humor.

03:23 And they do it in a public forum.

03:25 When you're alone with a sniper, they tend not to snipe you.

03:28 They wait until they have an audience around, and as soon as other people are around, they start to make jokes at your expense.

03:36 And those jokes are aggressive.

03:39 However, they're doing it in what's being concealed as humor.

03:44 Therefore, that's classic passive aggressive behavior.

03:48 They're being aggressive.

03:49 They're just not being upfront about it.

03:51 And it's difficult for many of us to deal with snipers and other passive aggressive people because they're not being upfront.

03:58 And when we're not snipers ourselves, it's difficult to directly deal with a sniper effectively if you're not a sniper, because they've been practicing being a sniper their whole lives.

04:09 So if you think that trying to beat them at their own game is an effective solution, it tends to be disastrous because if you've dealt with a sniper in the past, they'll do something such as, let's say that you have on a new pair of pants and you come into work and you walk past the sniper.

04:29 They might say something to you while there are other coworkers around, like, Hey, O'Connor, where are you walking to in those pants back to 1985.

04:36 And then we feel bad, we feel frustrated, and we want to sometimes snipe them back. The average human being, when faced with aggressive behavior, wants to be aggressive right back.

04:48 Right. It is our natural tendency.

04:50 Somebody lashes out at us.

04:52 We want to lash out back at them.

04:55 However, it's not our natural tendency to be effective.

04:57 That's why they call them communication skills.

04:59 We learn them if you want to be effective with a sniper and decrease the odds that their behavior is going to continue with you, don't engage with a sniper and try to snipe them back.

05:11 Don't try to beat them at their own game.

05:13 On their playing field.

05:14 Even if you are a sniper, remember, this is why we did a personal compass, because in that sliver in time between event and response, that sliver in time between when the sniper snipes you and how you respond to them, stop and reflect on your personal compass.

05:30 Remember to ask yourself these three questions.

05:33 Who am I? Why am I here? What do I want? And if you ask yourself those three questions, chances are you're not going to answer them by saying, Who am I? I am an aggressive or passive aggressive, nasty, negative communicator.

05:49 What do I want? I want to show people how ugly I can really be when I communicate.

05:55 And what am I here to do to win the blue ribbon for the worst communicator in the office? Yeah, right.

06:00 We don't do that. So if you can have the presence of mind to stop and remember who you are, why you're here, what you want, then remember the tactics that have been proven to work with the sniper, what they are, and how to use them.

06:12 You can retrain the sniper to not snipe you because they're not going to get the rewards.

06:17 You're not going to engage with them.

06:19 And some strategies that you can use to respond to the sniper that tells them, I will respond to you.

06:25 I'm not going to simply take it, which is a reward, but I'm not going to respond to you in that manner.

06:31 Are these number one, you can backtrack.

06:33 Remember, we talked about backtracking in other dealing with sensitive or difficult situations. Lectures and backtracking in a communication situation is when you repeat back to the person what they said.

06:46 You can ask snipers spotlight questions.

06:49 Remember, spotlight questions start with are you trying to? Because especially when you're dealing with passive aggressive communication, you want to call people on their communication, ask clarifying questions, force people to be up front with their communication with you, and they will stop using passive aggressive communication because it takes all the fun out of it.

07:11 Ask duct tape questions if you need to, for example.

07:15 Why would you do that or why would you say that? Tell me why you think that.

07:18 Tell me more. Give them instructions.

07:22 Snipers do not like to be told how to behave in an effective, upfront manner.

07:28 And if you tell people, especially passive aggressive communicators like snipers, things such as.

07:35 In the future.

07:36 You can always be frank and upfront with me in your communication as I am with you.

07:40 When you say things like that to passive aggressive communicators, they don't like it, especially when you do it in front of other people.

07:47 Why? Because you're not engaging.

07:49 You're not saying negative things.

07:51 You're not saying hostile things.

07:53 You're simply being clear and upfront in your communication and at the same time being kind. Because it is kind to tell other people what your expectations are when you communicate with them.

08:04 Sometimes we don't and we pay the price.

08:06 It is always up to a savvy communicator and an assertive communicator to tell others what his or her expectations are when communicating with them.

08:16 And finally, don't forget that silence is always one of the most effective strategies that you can use in a difficult situation when you remember your body language. Because if somebody snipes you, for example, and instead of taking it or taking the bait or engaging, if you forget all of your tools, but you remember the 3/2 look because remember, this is a long time.

08:38 Watch this. That's 3 seconds.

08:44 Seems like an eternity sometimes, especially if you're in a situation that's hostile and someone just stares at you.

08:55 That 3 seconds lasts forever, right? Most people can't do that.

08:58 They break under the pressure.

09:00 When you can combine these different strategies, you will be effective at responding, but not reacting to the sniper, taking away the rewards and not engaging.

09:09 For example, if a sniper says to something such as.

09:14 Hey, Bob, you did a great job in today's meeting.

09:17 You looked really professional, and you think, Okay, you're sniping me now in front of my peers.

09:23 I want to respond to you.

09:25 I practiced.

09:26 You can say things like this, Bob, when you say that I did a great job in today's meeting. It sounds like you're saying I didn't do a great job.

09:35 Is that what you're trying to say? And nine times out of ten, a sniper is going to say, Ah, can't you take a joke? Come on, I'm just kidding.

09:44 And then you give them the 3/2 look, remember? 3/2 look. Hmm.

09:50 And that makes it uncomfortable for the sniper who's trying to now engage with you with humor. But let's say that the sniper says something that they're generally not going to say, but something like, yeah, I'm trying to say you looked pretty dumb in the meeting. If I were to ask a spotlight question such as, are you trying to disrupt this meeting? Are you trying to insult me? Are you trying to say you didn't like that? And the sniper says, Yeah, that's what I'm trying to say.

10:15 First of all, don't worry about that, because it almost never happens.

10:18 And when it does, you as a professional, polished practice communicator, should have other strategies ready to go.

10:24 That's when you might throw out, for example, a duct tape tactic and say something such as interesting.

10:30 Bob, why would you do that? And Bob might say, Well, because I felt like it and thought you wanted to know.

10:34 You could throw out a feel felt found.

10:36 Well, I can understand why you might feel that that was the best route to take, Bob.

10:39 And maybe some of your colleagues have felt that way in the past.

10:42 You could give them instructions and say something such as, well, in the future, Bob, if you have something to say like that to me, you could always be frank and say to me in private, as I would with you, and when you have different strategies ready, you deliver them with confidence and you remember your posture.

10:57 You stand up, you face the sniper or the difficult person.

11:00 You tilt your head forward, not to the side.

11:03 If you have dealt with those types of things in the past over and over again, you won't anymore. For example, let's say you deal with explodes.

11:10 Explodes are those who when they get angry.

11:15 Explode in anger.

11:16 They yell. They throw temper tantrums.

11:19 They scream. And most people, when they're around an exploder, what is the first thing that they say to them? Let's say that a customer comes in and is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and screaming profanity. What's the first thing most people do when they want someone else to calm down? What do they say? Calm down. As a professional communicator, you should have strategies to deal with exploders because we see them all the time.

11:42 Snipers. We see them all the time, nicoholics.

11:44 Time, suckers. The Exploder has several different phrases that tend to trigger the right hand side of the brain and give them what they need.

11:52 In the moment, they are exploding so that they can get satisfied and then open up the left hand side of the brain to receive a logical message which tends to guide them in a different direction and then pass them along and they're out of your department.

12:05 Number one is an empathy statement.

12:07 Remember, empathy statements can be really simple.

12:09 They begin with things like, I can see, I understand, I can tell.

12:14 And by the way, if you would normally say something such as while I can see how that would yada, yada or boy, I can understand, remember that if I say, John, I can see you're really upset.

12:27 That might be my language.

12:28 You might say something such as, Boy, I can see your and used profanity.

12:34 That's fine. You know, whatever the language patterns are for the environment that you are in, those are the language patterns that you should use.

12:41 So if you believe that certain language is more appropriate at your workplace than it would be at mine, that's just the same as recognizing there are language patterns that are appropriate for the boardroom, and those are different from the ones that are appropriate for the bedroom, and those are different from the ones that you'd use at the dinner table. If I gave a baby to you to hold right now, you would change your tone in your verbal patterns and use baby talk.

13:08 Just as if I were to give you my dog, you would change your words and tone to speak dog talk. We recognize many different situations as those in which we should change our tone, our words, our patterns.

13:19 And when you're dealing with a difficult person at work, you can feel comfortable recognizing that is a time to change your verbal patterns, because we don't want to speak the same way in every situation, or we will get the same results in every situation. So you can feel free to change the words.

13:36 But when you validate, for example, that's when you say something.

13:39 Such as what? You can say, I understand why that's so frustrating for you.

13:45 I can understand why you'd be angry.

13:48 Or do you remember the three word magic phrase that we talked about when I'm on the phone with my mother, for example, and she's going on and on and she wants the attitude of attention.

13:59 But I have to give it quickly because she's talking what are three word magic phrases for validating.

14:06 Things such as? Oh, that's horrible.

14:08 Remember that one? And again, you can say that however it suits you best, you can say to somebody as they're upset, especially if they are exploiters.

14:15 You can say something such as, Oh my gosh, I can see how upset you are.

14:19 And I can sure understand why that, oh, my gosh.

14:23 Is like, oh, that's horrible.

14:24 Rats. That stinks.

14:26 Mm hmm. Anything that validates the way somebody feels is going to get you to where you want to go.

14:32 Remember that. You can tell an exploder that they're right.

14:35 That phrase you're right is exactly what an exploder wants to hear, because most of us at one time or another have exploded.

14:44 And generally when we explode, when we're yelling and screaming, why are we doing that? When people get to the point where they're yelling and screaming and exhibiting outrageous behavior, it's because somewhere in their brain they're thinking, evidently the behavior that I normally exhibit.

15:01 You're not getting you're not understanding isn't loud enough for you isn't clear enough for you. So maybe if I yell and scream, then someone will understand.

15:09 So if you're the person who tells them, I understand, you know, I understand why that would upset you. I can appreciate why you'd be so angry and then follow it up with a and you're right. Remember, it's not saying they're right and you're wrong.

15:23 It's not acknowledging blame or culpability of any kind.

15:27 It's simply using the phrase find a way to use it.

15:30 You're right. Things like this can be so frustrating.

15:32 You're right. Someone needs to attend to this right away.

15:34 You're right. This is a problem.

15:36 It's simply saying the phrase that's going to get them unstuck because you're activating the right hand side of the brain.

15:42 And that's specifically when somebody's yelling what they're saying they want.

15:46 They're saying, validate me.

15:48 That's what we do. And this might sound like a little bit counterintuitive, but when you compliment an exploder on something, they tend to exhibit that something.

16:01 What I mean by that is this what's the characteristic that an exploder is not exhibiting that you'd like them to exhibit? A little more self-control maybe.

16:12 Right. So what do you think based on this tactic that we're talking about now, complimenting someone on a characteristic you'd like them to possess, what do you think you would compliment an exploder on their self control? Now, I do not, of course, mean to tell somebody who's emotionally out of control something such as, Wow, I'm impressed with your self-control.

16:33 No, of course not. But if you say to somebody something such as? Mr.

16:40 O'Connor, I apologise.

16:42 And to tell you the truth, I'm surprised you're not more upset by this.

16:46 When you say something like that, I am surprised that you are keeping it together at all. Something that's letting them know I'm complimenting you on your self-control, even though you're exhibiting zero.

16:56 What people tend to do is behave as if.

17:00 That's right. Mm hmm.

17:02 I can keep it together. That's right.

17:03 Because we want to live up to others expectations.

17:06 So if you're treating somebody as if they are out of control, they will just become more out of control. If you're treating them as if, wow, I'm impressed with your skills that you can keep it together like this under these horrific circumstances you're dealing with, people then tend to behave as if.

17:20 That's right. And finally, if you use boundary statements, people talk about boundaries a lot, but very few people know how to deliver a boundary statement.

17:31 I hear people it was kind of a catch phrase in around 2008.

17:34 People would say boundaries, boundaries, but they don't really know what it is to tell somebody, you're crossing a boundary and if you stop, we can continue. If you don't, we're not going to.

17:47 A boundary statement helps you articulate.

17:50 Hey, hey, hey.

17:52 If you can communicate, especially in an emotionally charged situation, hey, here's how you are crossing some boundaries.

17:59 However, if you instead change your behavior to a different direction, you might just get what you want. If you can articulate that, you will get better results than those who simply say things like, Hey, boundaries, boundaries.

18:11 So, for example, let's say that you're talking to an exploder.

18:14 Well, you're listening to an Exploder and they're emotionally out of control.

18:18 And they start yelling and they're yelling and yelling and yelling or they're using profanity or they called you a name or they're being negative, whatever it is.

18:25 And you think, I've had enough? This is where it ends. Because remember.

18:29 Whatever your position is.

18:32 It never includes being emotionally or verbally assaulted or abused. That is never part of any job description.

18:39 So if somebody does cross that line, you can always use a boundary statement to tell them something such as John, John, John.

18:46 And by the way, if you want to interrupt somebody, use their name at least three times. People tend to stop and say, what if you were to say, John, John, John.

18:53 I do want to talk about this with you, but not if you're going to continue to use profanity. And you might throw in an empowering phrase like, would you like to continue talking about this now or would you like to take a few minutes? Or you might say something such as? George, I do want to hear all of your ideas and everything you have to say, but not in this manner. A boundary statement helps you articulate, I do want to help you. I do want to solve this for you.

19:17 I do want to work with you.

19:19 But I'm not going to if you talk to me that way.

19:20 I'm not going to if you use that language, I'm not going to if you continue to behave this way. If you can, as a calm, cool, collected communicator, deliver these types of phrases in the situations that warrant them, it's impressive and it's effective.

19:35 And what people will recognise is they're not like the average communicator. Therefore I'm not going to exhibit my difficult behaviour around them as I do in front of the average communicator and they're effective in the moment.

19:48 So when you're that person, you know that person at work who seems to always have the right words at the right time.

19:54 If you're that person, your value skyrockets in any organisation because people will think that you will be able to handle any situation.

20:02 And it's true. But remember that you need to practice and practice and practice just like an ice skater. You know how ice skaters make it look really easy when they skate around the rink, they make it look smooth, they make it look effortless, just like savvy communicators make it look smooth and effortless as they deal with different, difficult people as they handle difficult situations.

20:21 It's just like an ice skater.

20:23 They practice. And then when it comes out during the situations in which they're warranted, it looks easy with a backstabber, for example, that somebody that a lot of us deal with at work and we struggle dealing with the backstabber, this specific pattern.

20:38 Helps tell the backstabber that you are aware of their backstabbing if it's with you, if it's not with you, by the way.

20:44 There is no reason why you would talk to a backstabber about their backstabbing behavior unless it was specifically about you.

20:50 Or else it would basically be considered gossip.

20:54 So when you want a backstabber to stop backstabbing you, you know, to stop being nice to your face and then saying negative things about you behind your back.

21:03 If you go through this four step process, it's been shown, I have seen it to stop the behaviour much more than any other process I've seen.

21:11 Number one, you ask them for help.

21:13 Number two, you use a desk script.

21:17 Number three, you give them an out.

21:19 And the number four, you give them a reason, for example.

21:23 John. I need your help.

21:24 Some people. They're saying things about me and this organization that may or may not be true, but it's difficult for me to hear.

21:31 And it's hurting the relationship.

21:33 Not that I have with my boss, but that I see my coworkers have with one another. Because this person or these people, I don't know who it is, are spreading negativity and really dragging down the team.

21:44 Can I please ask you that if you hear anything like this about me or see anything like this about me, you call whoever it is on their behavior and tell them to come to me because I'd be happy to talk with them and be upfront with them as they're not doing with me. And if you could do that, I would really appreciate it, because I know that you would do that if you were in my position.

22:03 Right. And then the backstabber would say, Well, yeah, sure, sure.

22:06 Then you could say, Great, if you could do that for me, I would appreciate it because I don't want to have these types of talks anymore.

22:12 Is that what I did just now is I asked the person for help.

22:17 I used a desk script when I described the situation and how it's impacting the team and what I think would happen.

22:23 Then I gave them an out saying something such as, I know you'd do the same thing for me, right? You wouldn't want this to happen to me, right? Right. And then I give them a reason and then we can stop talking about this.

22:36 Is that all right? Because when a backstabber knows they're this close to being found out, so to speak, you're right.

22:42 They're discussing it in a very civil, direct, assertive manner.

22:45 They're going to pray.

22:47 Please let this stop.

22:48 Please let this stop, because I'm almost caught right here in the act and there are too assertive for me. I can't take it.

22:53 And so when you say and then we won't have to talk about this anymore, would that be all right? They're going to feel as if that was a close one and I'm going to go backstab somebody else. And remember, it's not my goal, nor is it my ability to stop somebody else's difficult behavior.

23:09 It's up to each and every one of us when we decide I've had enough of exhibiting that behavior, so I'm going to take action to stop it.

23:16 That's when it will stop.

23:18 I can't do anything about someone else's difficult behavior.

23:20 I can, however, train them not to exhibit it with me and remember that these different strategies and these tactics that we talk about are all about being upfront and direct, because it's almost impossible when you're being passive aggressive or negative.

23:36 Basically, when you're casting darkness, it is impossible to do it to light, right? Light casts out darkness.

23:45 Positive energy casts out negative energy.

23:47 When negative energy and positive energy meet in the laboratory, the positive energy has more power than the negative energy.

23:54 And if two things come together, one of them has a negative charge, one of them has a positive charge. When they come together, something's happening to the energy.

24:03 And what will happen is if two things come together, the negative item takes on a positive charge.

24:11 If the positive charge wants to transfer that energy, that's what you see.

24:17 For example, if you do experiments in a lab, positive energy is more powerful than negative energy.

24:23 Light is more powerful than the darkness.

24:26 You cannot transform negative behavior or a negative environment with more negative behavior or a negative environment.

24:34 It doesn't work that way. You can't cast out negative energy with more negative energy.

24:38 You can with positive energy.

24:39 And so if you use positive communication principles and tactics like the assertive ones we're talking about, you can cast out the negative communication in your office. The last thing I'd like to mention is the use of business tools. Sometimes it's difficult for us to find the words, you know, even if you've been through all of this training and you've practiced and practiced, when it comes time to be assertive, if you're more of a passive personality type by nature, which is natural and normal, it's difficult to find the word. Sometimes.

25:13 I like to make it easy if I am dealing with a certain situation, and I recognize it's really going to be difficult for me to find the right words.

25:22 You might want to try using a business tool, for example, the time sucker, you know, the time sucker, because they're that person who, when you hear them coming down the hallway, you start to think, Oh, oh, geez, oh, geez.

25:34 I got to think of something to tell them I'm doing I've got to think of an excuse, because if they come in here, I'm going to lose 20 minutes, half an hour, an hour of my time. And so we think we try to think of excuses.

25:45 We think of excuses, and then they come in.

25:46 Hi, you have a minute? Or they just come in and start talking.

25:50 And if we don't have a plan and if you're more of a passive person by nature, chances are you let them suck time from you time and time again.

25:58 And many people are thinking, Yeah, but they suck it from everybody.

26:01 I mean, the time sucker that I deal with.

26:03 Come on, they're so difficult now.

26:05 You don't understand. They are sucking time from everybody, but they're not. There's always one person.

26:12 If you watch a time sucker go around an organization and suck, suck, suck, suck, suck from everybody. There's always one person they pass by because they know that person is not going to reward them.

26:22 And listen to them if you want to be that person.

26:24 Here's a simple strategy that you can implement.

26:27 By the way, if you are a manager, we have to keep in mind as managers that a great amount of our time on a day to day basis is actually expected to be acting in a counselor position.

26:40 Meaning part of a manager's job really is to listen to his or her employees. Just listen to them, just give them some time.

26:49 So keep that in mind.

26:50 It's not the goal of using the following tool to prevent everybody from talking to you so that you have the entire day for yourself.

26:58 If you are a manager or a supervisor or even a team member, it's part of our job to give time to other people.

27:05 But if it's gone over the line and now we're talking about a time sucker, try these three steps the next time you want to stop that behavior.

27:14 Number one, you have to set boundaries with the time sucker, just like any other difficult person. You have to tell the time sucker how you expect them to behave.

27:23 And once you have set boundaries and told the time sucker and you can do this simply using a desk script, you told the time sucker what your expectations are.

27:32 For example, John, I need your help.

27:35 I've noticed that sometimes I let my time get away from me at work and I don't manage it as efficiently as I could.

27:40 That's the first part of your desk script.

27:44 The second part of dealing with a time sucker is to tell them what your expectations are. So when you finish up your desk script, you can simply say something such as So I would appreciate it if you in the future, if you see me doing something that I shouldn't be doing because it's not on my schedule.

27:59 For example, if you could alert me to that and say, Hey, Dan, I think you might need to stick to your schedule.

28:04 That would help me not only get my work done, but then, for example, when I want to talk to you, I'd be better equipped to pay attention because I would know it's part of my schedule. Can you help me with that? When you use the desk script to cover steps one and two, meaning you're going to tell somebody what your boundaries and expectations are, and then you're going to tell somebody what to do.

28:24 It makes it really simple and covers steps one and two, step one when dealing with the time, sucker set boundaries and expectations.

28:30 We've talked about that.

28:32 And step two, tell them exactly what to do.

28:34 Meaning I just told Bob if he sees me doing something that's not on my schedule, could he please alert me to that and tell me to get back on schedule? And once I've done that, I've set the stage with many different difficult people.

28:48 Remember that it's important to set the stage if you're dealing with passive aggressive behavior or behavior where people are exhibiting this behavior and they truly don't even know it, they're not trying to be aggressive or passive aggressive, they're just being themselves.

29:02 But you need to stop the behavior.

29:04 Setting the stage can really be the trick that helps you conquer that difficult behavior.

29:10 For example, in this case, I'm telling my time, sucker, this is what I'm struggling with. And here's what I'd like to do in the future.

29:17 Will you help me with that? That's setting the stage.

29:19 Now, step three comes into play, and if I see John entering my office the next time, I can tell him something like, Hey John, I am so excited.

29:28 Remember when we talked about how I was struggling, dealing with my schedule? I have found a tool that I think is going to work great for me and I.

29:35 I'd be happy to share it with you.

29:36 You want to use it for yourself as well? It's called an availability monitor.

29:40 Look, it's super simple.

29:42 And you explain to your time sucker what an availability monitor is.

29:46 What it is is a simple tool.

29:49 It could be like when you go to a Brazilian restaurant, if you've ever been to one of those, they have these things that look like egg timers.

29:55 You see it on your slide and on one side it's red, on one side it's green.

30:00 What you do with them. By the way, if you haven't been to one of these restaurants, you flip it green side up means come bring me more food.

30:08 Red side up means I'm full.

30:10 And you sit at a Brazilian restaurant for hours on end, flipping it from one side to the other, and each time it's green, they come bring you more food.

30:18 If you get a chance to purchase one of those and you put it on your desk, you're done. That's an availability monitor.

30:25 If, however, you don't have a Brazilian steakhouse that sells the green and red egg timers close to your house, you can take out simple construction paper or in your resources that come along with this lesson.

30:36 There's a template.

30:38 Basically, all it needs to be is some type of sign that you put up on the wall and it says Availability Monitor.

30:45 And then you explain to people, See this thing that I can flip back and forth.

30:49 One side is green and it says available, the other side is red and it says busy.

30:54 All you need to do is explain to people What I'm trying to do for me is I'm going to when I have on my schedule that I'm busy, I'm going to flip that to red or flip my timer to red or whatever it is that you want to use as your availability monitor. I'm going to change that because I'm busy, so I want you to please help me do this.

31:14 If you come into my office or if you call me up on the phone and my availability monitor is set to red, I'm not even going to say anything.

31:21 I'm going to try to train myself to simply do something like ignore the distraction or. Tap on the availability monitor if the distraction is an understanding.

31:30 So if you see me do that, please help me do that and encourage me.

31:34 Will that be okay with you? And if you'd like to use it, by the way, I'll be happy to get you one.

31:38 Watch how people will say, Oh, okay.

31:42 All right, great idea.

31:43 And the time sucker won't be offended.

31:46 They won't have their feelings hurt because they won't know that you're talking about them when they enter your space.

31:51 This is the difficult part because remember, it's never easy to be an effective communicator. When they come in to your space, you're not going to look up.

31:58 They'll say, Hey, what are you doing? And it's up to them to recognize.

32:03 Oh, that's right. That's the availability monitor that Dan told me he'd be using.

32:06 It's set to red. Oh, he's not going to answer me.

32:09 And they might say something like, just, hey, just one minute.

32:12 Hey, Dan, just. I just need a minute.

32:14 Don't respond, because you've already set the ground rules.

32:16 And if you break your own rules, you have no chance of other people not breaking them if they keep going.

32:23 All you have to do is tap on your availability, monitor, point to it, look at it. But you've already set the rules.

32:29 You can't break them, so you will not be interrupted while your availability monitor is set to read.

32:34 Don't forget to set it, because if you don't set it, you can't expect people to follow the rules. That's a simple business tool.

32:42 It's easy, it's free, and it's effective.

32:45 If you start using business tools to help you when you can't find the words or are uncomfortable finding the words, but you can still deliver the message that you need to deliver. They can be really effective.

32:56 They can shorten the time that it takes to start training people how to treat you.

33:01 And they're easy.

33:03 So with the things that you've learned today, you should be able to recognize some of the names of the difficult people that you work with, like the time sucker, the gossip, the backstabber.

33:12 And once you've named them, now you have simple tools that you can start using.

33:16 Once you've done that, and you have business tools that you can use if you can't find the words with the tools that you've learned just in this one lesson, you'll be able to start effectively dealing with all of the difficult people in your life.